Positive thinking!

12 Feb

Hey guys, just thought I’d write a quick post and update everyone on how fabulous life is lately.

It’s two in the morning right now and I’ve been watching youtube videos for roughly six hours (no regrets) but I figure it’s about time to do something mildly constructive.

Is it weird that despite being full of optimism and motivation, now that I’ve finally sat down to write something about it I can’t really figure out why? I guess I’m just in a very good place, and surrounded by amazing people who are so exciting and engaging and their zest and positivity is contagious! My courses are challenging but interesting and even though I’m spending most of my time just trying to keep on top of it (and failing, unfortunately) I’ve regained my drive and interest for the topics I’m studying; I wasn’t really feeling it last semester. I’ve been too afraid to get my essays back, I’m putting it off for as long as I can because I don’t want to knock my confidence with what is inevitably going to be bad grades. (I know I say this every year but I did hand the two most important ones in two days late, which drops it down an entire band…) But I’m hoping (nay, determined) that this semester I’ll do better. Already I’ve arranged two weekly study sessions with friends so we can keep each other motivated and have a little consistency!

After a horrible few months with being ill and unhealthy and having serious sleeping/eating/basically just living day to day problems, the last month I’ve done a complete 180. Again. Feeling so much healthier, finally stopped eating crap or going for days with next to no food. And my sleeping pattern is back to normal. Or as normal as any student gets (damn you youtube and tumblr). And I’ve not been feeling ill/exhausted/unable to get out of bed. So it’s been a fabulous month. AND I’ve gotten back into exercising (Jillian Michaels is equal parts Goddess and monster).

I’ve decided on an AMAZING essay for my Bible, lit and culture class which means I get to examine biblical influences on the works of the Bronte sisters *squeels*. (NO ONE IS SHARING MY ENTHUSIASM FOR THIS, SOMEONE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND HOW INCREDIBLY FANTASTIC THIS TOPIC IS!!!!!!!!). And my Buddhism essay is going to be on a seriously insane theory which basically says nothing in the world exists. It’s something I’ve come across before and can’t decide whether I agree/disagree or am just too mentally inept to contemplate this idea, but I’m super interested in it either way! My 17th C literature course kinda sucks, but I fully expected it to and it’s actually not *as* bad as I feared.

Outside of uni things have been getting better and better! I’ve done so many fun/exciting things, starting with going to see the AMAZING ‘Miss Julie’, a play which is on at the Citizens theatre and stars SUPER AMAZING AND TALENTED LOUISE BREALEY *FANGIRLS*. It was amazing and I don’t think I can put into words how captivating the entire performance was! And it was terrifying as well. (But I really wish there’d been a warning about how brutal/violent it could get. Not prepared for that.) I went to the play with H and afterwards we went on what was a pretty epic pub-crawl (and proudly boasting we managed a night out with only five drinks, although one cocktail glass was LITERALLY THE SIZE OF MY FACE).

Also, I got to catch up with my friend while she was back over for the week. Always a great thing to do, I’ve missed her! And I had a lovely meal at another new friend’s flat (and it’s made me seriously addicted to risotto, I’ve cooked it twice last week!). And I’ve been experimenting with my cooking and using Lisa and a couple of other barely-willing participants to test them out. No one’s been poisoned but Vi nearly threw up when I showed her my first attempt at sugar free chocolate biscuits. Don’t ask, you couldn’t even imagine.

And I’ve been reading loads lately! I’m considering maybe doing a post every now and then with book recs. Or album recs actually because I’ve really started paying attention to music again! But to summarise; A Song of Ice and Fire series: MIND BLOWING, The Fault in Our Stars: I WILL NEVER FORGIVE JOHN GREEN, and 17th Centuray Travel Writings: MAKE ME WANT TO CLAW MY EYES OUT IN THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY.

ALSO ALSO ALSO I’ve achieved four amazing things this week! Firstly, I managed to do ten (modified) push ups!!!! I’m aware pretty much everyone reading this is rolling their eyes at me right now but this is pretty much the toughest thing I’ve done in ages! My arm strength is about equivalent to that of a six year old child with no arms. So to be able to actually do this WITH CORRECT FORM AND EVERYTHING made my week!!! AND secondly I have done three loads of washing, which I’ve been procrastinating for forever because if I do the washing I need to get the clothes horse out and to get the clothed horse out I need to get under the bed and to get under the bed I need to make room to move the crap rom under my bed and to move the crap out from under my bed I need to… Well, you get the picture. Basically I’d have to actually get my shit together in order to manage something as simple as putting a washing on and it’s so much easier to procrastinate. But I did it because I’m an unstoppable force this week, as THE THIRD BIG ACHIEVEMENT AND ARGUABLY THE BEST THING I’VE EVER MANAGED TO ACCOMPLISH is getting to level 38 on flappy bird. (It’s less that I managed to get a half decent score and more that I didn’t rage quit and throw my phone at a wall while doing it.) And finally, I started level two of the workout dvd I’m doing, which I’ve always been too scared to do before because THERE’S SO MANY PLANK MOVES. But I did it today, even managed to do 3/4’s of the moves in advanced mode and I didn’t feel like I wanted to die at the end of it, only vaguely contemplating jumping off of a cliff to never have to do it again.

On that note, I’m going to go to bed. I’ll probably write soon in the not so distant future because things are good and I am filled with motivation and determination and  all things fluffy rainbow sparkles. God, who am I?!?!

PS I’m uploading this now (the next day) while procrastinating getting dressed to go and buy food. It’s a hard life I live guys, you’ve no idea. To quote my earlier tweet ‘How am I supposed to make the most of my life if I’m too lazy to put on trousers?’. *sighs dramatically* 

29 Nov

I have a 2500 word essay due today which I’ve barely finished the reading for.

I have been up all night and have exactly 12 hours and 12 minutes left to write this thing and there is no coffee in the flat.

It’s quarter to five in the morning and I’m making barbecue chicken wings for dinner/breakfast.

I haven’t changed out of my pyjamas for at least 48 hours and I’m genuinely ashamed to admit how much green tea I’ve consumed since I woke up this morning.

I don’t know when this became an acceptable mode of conduct but I’m seriously beginning to question my life choices.

On another note, the three bottles of wine in my fridge are looking pretty damn tempting right about now.

And yes, yes I am writing this in another ridiculous attempt at procrastination.

You can judge me if you want, I’m so far beyond caring.

Turning Twenty, Cruella Deville and Masturbating Monks?

8 Nov

Okay, okay, okay. YES I realise it’s been over 5 months since I last posted on here and I’M SORRY. Honestly?  I just abandoned it all summer and by the time Uni started back up I’d been procrastinating so long I couldn’t bring myself to *actually* write anything. And as soon as my courses started I’ve been SO BUSY that blogging about HOW BUSY I AM is the last thing on my mind. Right now though I’ve had an incredibly productive day and thought I’d keep the forward momentum going for a little bit longer (until I inevitably collapse in an exhausted heap and just read A song of Ice and Fire all night and eat some carrots…)

Right. This is, as always, ridiculously long, and so I’ve decided to throw in some photos, if I manage to put them on properly!

Well, the last thing I posted on here was actually about having passed my exams. Ye gods, I’ve really abandoned you all haven’t I?!  So much has happened and I’ve got loads to talk about (for once) but I have no idea where to start!

Uni’s been AMAZING. I can’t even begin to explain how excited I am by all of my courses! I’m taking three different classes this semester: Victorian Literature, The Bible – Literature and Culture and Buddhism. Next semester I’ll be replacing Vic Lit with ‘Pre-modern’ stuff, which I’m not looking forward to, mostly because I’ll be seriously upset at Vic Lit class being over!

For those of you who don’t know, I’m absolutely obsessed with literature from the Victorian era. The majority of my favourite authors were writing in this time which is what got me hooked but I think the more I’m delving into the literature, and the more I’m getting to know the time period, the more fascinating it is! So much change is happening and I just love the way these changes are approached so differently! AH I’m not going to go into it now because I could genuinely go on for hours!

My reading list for Vic Lit is both incredible and slightly disappointed. I had hoped that we’d be studying the Bronte sisters (the coursebook had implied it) but sadly they’re not on the list. Neither is a few others I’d been desperate to finally get my teeth into. However I think, for the most part, the texts we are studying make up for the ones we’re not! Hardy’s Jude the Obscure, Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray, Wilkie Collins The Moonstone, H.G. Wells The Island of Dr Moreau, George Elliot Silas Marner, Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu Carmilla, some Robert Browning poems, a bit of Elizabeth Barrett Browning, D.G Rosetti and a few poets focussing on ‘Poetry and religious belief’ which is my absolute favourite topic for poetry and is one of my favourite parts of the course thus far! AND to top it off, my new favourite novel, replacing even Austen’s Persuasion and Bronte’s Jane Eyre *drumroll please* Gaskell’s North and South!!!!!!!! I’d actually borrowed the series adaptation of this book in sixth year and I loved it (mainly because Richard Armitage was in it and hot damn…) and so I knew I would enjoy the book. I finally finished reading it last week (staying up until four in the morning because I couldn’t put it down once I’d started!) and, as predicted, I’m obsessed. I’ve bored all of my friends to tears going on about it! AAAAH so good!!!

Anyway, my other courses are great to, for the most part. I was really excited about Buddhism and it’s been a jump from last year, which I was seriously hoping for because I ended up really bored! And there’s a lot more focus on texts than there’s been in any of the other levels I’ve studied it at, which can only be a good thing!

As much as I went into the course with high hopes, though, the last two weeks haven’t really caught my interest. Today, for example, we spent most of the time discussing masturbating monks. As interesting as I’m sure that is to some people, it just made me feel vaguely queasy. I can understand how it’s relevant (he used that text to explain the Vinaya, basically the rule book for Buddhist monks and nuns, and how it was laid out) and I do get that by using something so unusual we’re not likely to forget it in a hurry, but there are so many things about the texts that would have been more worthwhile discussing. When, in all honesty, am I likely to discuss the masturbation habits of Buddhist monks in the early 5th Century? Hopefully never, ever again.

Aside from the last two weeks or so I’ve really enjoyed it though and I’m really hoping it’s just because of the material we’re having to cover (it’s definitely dry reading and I appreciate the lecturer’s just trying to liven it up a bit). Hopefully it’ll pick up again soon!

And Bible lit and culture is okay. I’m not overly enthusiastic as yet, but I’m getting into it more and more and I am definitely enjoying it!

Okay, so yes, Uni’s great. It’s been a really big leap this year in the amount of work though. I have to admit it’s definitely overwhelming! I’m keeping on top of it just now but I’m definitely going grey with the stress of managing it all!

Aside from uni, it’s been a pretty fantastic five months! What’s happened? I’m trying to write this all down in some sort of coherent order and failing badly.

Well, this summer I’ve been doing a lot!

We went to my cousin, Amy’s, wedding. It was beautiful and Amy looked stunning. (I’m not gonna put a pic up because it’s a public blog but trust me, she was like a princess!)

My Gran!

Gran

Uncle Tom and Aunty Ann

un an

Me, Mum and Bethany 

me mum beth]

Me, Dad, Aunty Ann, Mum, Uncle Tom!

family

And I’ve had quite a few amazing days out with my friends from down the road! One that springs to mind was Riding of the Marches, which is always something to write home about, if not always for the reasons you’d hoped… It was actually really good though, most people made it, and I think everyone had a bit much to drink (it’s ROM though, who doesn’t end up drunk?!). And I ended up breaking a flipflop on the floor of The Shed (a pub in Annan) because it was so sticky. Classy.

Lauren and Lisa. This photo pretty much sums them up.

2013-07-06 20.22.20

Jess.

2013-07-06 18.57.52

Pamela. Again, I’d say this pretty much sums her up *ducks*

2013-07-06 20.14.27

Finlay (sorry you’re blue)

IMAG0129

Me and Jess

2013-07-06 16.40.17

EXTREME DRUNK CLOSEUP. Because I can’t judge distance after my fifth vodka okaaaaay.

 IMAG0168

And a few weeks later a couple of my friends from down the road came up to Glasgow for Pride, which was brilliant, so busy and loud and bright and just absolutely amazing! We marched with the parade, had a delicious lunch in the centre and spent way too long looking at all the gorgeous jewellery on the stalls!

AND I gave my little sister a make-over. She’s three years younger than me, and rarely wears make up, but when she does it’s like I have a doppelgänger!

2013-06-26 20.49.22 2013-06-26 20.34.55

Actually, a few of my friends were up recently for Halloween/ my birthday and my friend, Lisa’s birthday. It was an AMAZING night, we went to Polo and, yes, once again everyone ended up pretty drunk! Yes, I did dress up as Cruella Deville. And yes, I ended up abandoning the wig when we hit polo and realised we were the only ones dressed up! (luckily it was Polo we went to though, there’s always some weirdly dressed folk in that club!)

2013-10-26 00.37.46 2013-10-26 00.39.16

Incase you didn’t know, Pamela’s a midget. I’m not just unusually tall. 

2013-10-26 00.49.36

62691_544221715648166_407107705_n 1375869_543534325716905_2126685177_n 1385464_543533619050309_9466647_n

1378648_543540882382916_1215538244_n

And this lovely photo, after several apple sours, turned into….

1380496_543535735716764_1552316990_n

^^ THIS IS MY FAVOURITE PHOTO EVER. It’s perfect in every way.

We even caught a picture of Connor in his leisure wear, which I’m sure most of our mutual friends would love to see!

580747_544227415647596_355179396_n

He’s a princess, what can I say?

I especially loved Pamela staying on for an extra day and getting to hang out with her! And do stereotypically girly things like drink hot chocolate and try on clothes. :D

But I had an amazing birthday! Highlights were my parents getting me a blender (I’ve been desperate for one since I moved back up the road and realised I couldn’t make smoothies!!) and my sister baking me a cake

2013-10-23 19.55.10

And then setting it on fire

2013-10-23 19.51.46

OOOOOH also, as you’ve probably guessed by now, I did manage to get a flat this year despite, as most of my twitter followers will have realised, my serious doubts on the matter! Actually, it’s on the adjoining street with my old flat! And it’s pretty much identical inside too, except it looks a lot nicer, cleaner brighter and costs me more money >.< *sighs*

Lately my front door’s been broken though, and so whenever I order a taxi it still has to go to Dick Street and I still get the cheek from the taxi service who thinks I’m winding them up.

What else do I have to tell you?

OH, yes, I mentioned earlier I’ve had a productive day! Well, after uni I decided to go for a walk into Partick because my student loan’s just came in and I am in desperate need of some new tops that aren’t hanging off me! So I went for a wee browse and ended up buying three full bags of clothes! They were an amazing bargain though, and I really do need them!  Then I went into the centre and decided I might as well make a start on my Christmas shopping. And start I did; by about four o’clock I was weighed down with tons of bags, having successfully BOUGHT EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO FOR CHRISTMAS, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO; PRESENTS, CARDS, WRAPPING, CRACKERS, DECORATIONS, AND THE TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS SOCKS. Yes ladies and gentlemen, you heard right, it is the 8th of November and I have already finished my Christmas shopping!!!!! Everything’s wrapped and ready to be delivered! Safe to say, I’m feeling pretty smug knowing in a month’s time you’ll all be rushing about in a panic buying your gifts while I can sit back with my feet up (nice and cosy in my new socks) and laugh at your pain. *cackles*

On top of that, I walked five miles without even noticing, which was great and made me feel less guilty about my McFlurry!

That’s another thing that I’m kinda hesitant to talk about, mostly because I don’t want to jinx it. I’ve been working out and eating green stuff. I know, I know, you’re all sitting staring at me in shock. Well, I kinda had to! I’d put on a hell of a lot of weight since starting uni, more so than ever in the last year and it was starting to mess up my health again: the fainting was coming back and stuff. It wasn’t good. So I just bit the bullet and accepted that the only way to get better was to make myself better by thinking better and being better. And it’s working! I’m a lot healthier, I’ve got so much more energy and, up until the last month I’ve been coming on in leaps and bounds! I’ve actually been eating more than I was before, but it’s been so much healthier and *GREEN*!

Unfortunately, and rather typically, I’ve managed to do myself an injury. OF COURSE I DID. I’m trying to get healthier and stronger and I MANAGE TO DAMAGE A BLOODY TENDON. I’m annoyed at myself but also just *eyerolls to infinity*. I mean, there are really no words here. Of course I did. It’s taking ages to heal, and I wasn’t allowed to do any impact exercises for three weeks (it’s been five now and it’s still buggered so I’m going to have to go to physio). It’s annoying that it’s affected me so much. I’ve been moping about it too, so haven’t been eating as healthily and the last month I’ve not really made much of an improvement on any score. Thankfully I’ve not piled on loads of weight, so I guess I’m not doing too badly but I can tell everything’s just sort of sunk since it started. My mood’s been really low too, and I know it’s because I’ve not been eating right and everything. It’s kind of scary how much it brings me down to go back to the way I was just five months ago!

I really can’t explain what a huge difference it’s made to everything since I started trying to get healthier, and I’m not going to because I know it bores everyone stupid when someone goes on about getting healthy/fitness related stuff. But yeah, just thought I’d post about it since it has become such a big part of my life now! And it’s the reason I need all the new clothes! Lost thirty pounds and three dress sizes, everything I put on looks like a bloody tent now!

Yeah, so things have been going fabulously well! I’m not doing any creative writing still, and I’m not even going to go into how messed up it all is. Another rant for another post.

Anyway, I’m going to try and keep this blog a little more up to date. At least, I promise I won’t leave it another 5 months before I post again! I’m also thinking about adding more photos on here too. And maybe, eventually, creative writing but I can’t, and won’t, make promises on that score.

Congratulations, you survived the ridiculously long blog post!!!! :D

Also, I know the formatting on this sucks, I don’t really know how to deal with putting photos on here yet! Sorry!

Third Year here I come!

11 Jun

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! I PASSED I PASSED I PASSED I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!! I MADE IT INTO HONOURS!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

I’ve calmed down now.  As you can probably tell, I’m unbelievably pleased with myself! I PASSED THE EXAMS!!! YIPEEEEE!!! Okay, so maybe I’ve not calmed down! *cackles*

Well, somehow I managed to get the grades I needed to get into honours!! I’m still not quite sure how though. English was B2, Comp Lit B3 and Theology C1. Luckily I’ve just discovered that you only need two C grades to get into TRS honours! YEEEESSSSSSS! I would have been just as worried if I had known that earlier though. My exam was truly awful, as I mentioned in my previous post I was *genuinely* expecting a fail, or a D at the most. The exam was *definitely* not above a D grade, I only answered half of what I was supposed to, and even then I was shaking so much it was barely legible! I must have done better in the essay than I thought to balance it out! Whatever happened, I’m just so so so so relieved! Clearly my luck’s changing!

And I worked that when you take into account my bad essay grades, to have made the grades I did I must have *somehow* manages an A5 in Comp Lit and an A3/4 in English in the exams! HOW?! I mean just HOW?! It’s really boosted my confidence, which was pretty much shattered after the essays. Now though I see that it really was just down to my own error in interpreting the question. After spending time working on that for the exams I’m a lot happier in my ability to actually *answer* the question in front of me, instead of rambling in the wrong direction! I know that being not well didn’t help much either, but I’m trying not to use that as an excuse cause then I’ll never take the blame for my own failures or realise where I’m going wrong and I won’t learn from them like I have done this semester!

Anyway, I just wanted to post this because I’m *ridiculously* proud of myself for this! Although I’m now just sitting waiting impatiently to hear if all of my friends passed/can be granted appeals and such! Especially in English where it seems like half the bloody course haven’t met the requirements. I think there’s a lot about this course that needs to be changed for next year, particularly the convenor who is so unapproachable and unhelpful for the most part. Really, I think more than anything they need to *actually* tell us what they want from us when sitting the essays/exams. Most of us went in without a clue and just blagged our way through it.

Okay, so I’m going to spend the day watching ‘The Nanny’ on Youtube because Fran Drescher is amazing and I really don’t need an excuse to lie in bed and watch old tv shows all day I AM A GROWN UP AND CAN DO WHAT I WANT STOP JUDGING ME. Bye! I’ll post again in a couple of days(aka, when I can pull myself away from the hilarious Nanny Fine!) I promise!

Waiting for results is my least favourite thing

6 Jun

Okay, I’m the first person to admit that I’m pretty much the *worst* blogger ever. I don’t post anywhere near regularly, my grasp on basic grammar and spelling is sketchy at best, I never reply to comments, I promise to post stuff and don’t and I can go for months at a time without even signing in to wordpress. I’m sure by now you’ve figured all this out yourselves though, and I just wanted to say thank you for sticking with me regardless of my inability to do a thing. And as always, I’m sorry I suck at this and I’ll try and do better over the summer.

It’s been almost a week since I moved down for the summer and it’s all went better than I expected. I had assumed my mum would’ve found at least a hundred reasons to murder me by now, especially considering I’m still not unpacked. But I’m still alive and relatively unscathed from leaving Glasgow.

This time last year I couldn’t wait to get away. I was so relieved to be back home and I spent most of the summer worrying about having to go back to uni in September. It’s a completely different story now though. I don’t know when I started to think of Glasgow as as much my home as Eastriggs but I can’t wait to go back! I already miss my friends, the Uni (the library! *sobbing*) and just Glasgow in general. Who’d have thought it? After all the time I spent worrying during first year about Glasgow just not being a good fit for me and about never finding my place there, I’m already homesick and it’s been less than a week since I left. I can’t wait to get back.

Going back, of course, depends on me getting the right grades in my exams, the chances of me doing so this year are slim. I know I say every time I sit an exam that I’ve done badly in it, and I guess it’s a bit like the boy who cried wolf. I’ve worried myself sick over every exam I’ve ever done so this time when I tell someone I pretty much screwed all three of them up they just roll their eyes and assume I’m panicking for nothing. Usually, I am just panicking for nothing; this time, not so much. For a start, my fainting came back pretty badly this semester. I’ve missed more classes than I was able to because of that, and I know it’s affected the standard of work I’ve been doing.

I’m disappointed because I knew that it could be a problem and I thought I could handle it. My essays weren’t great and so I was relying on the exams to pull my grades back up. I guess I had hoped everything would be easier with the exams than the essays. I always stress more over essays than exams, probably because I’ve got more time to worry with them in front of me. And I was hoping that I’d be less stressed so my fainting wouldn’t be as bad. Of course, I was wrong. English and Comp lit were bad but theology was atrocious. I fainted in the middle of the exam and ended up only writing one and a half essays (instead of two) because I just couldn’t pull myself together after it. I’m hoping that because of the fainting I can resit, although I know that the chances are slim and the convenors might not accept a resit grade for entry into honours.

Argh, the results are due any day now, I guess all I can do is wait and see. Hopefully I’ll get the chance to resit the exams. I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t get into honours next year. The thought of redoing second year just makes my heart sink. I know that repeating the year is not as bad as I feel it is, it’s just that I know I could have managed it this year, I’m actually pretty confident in my abilities in both of these subjects. Having to do the whole year again would just feel like a waste. I *can* do it, I have the skills I need to pass well but having to resit the whole year would be such a disappointment and I just feel like I’d have wasted a year of my life for nothing. Ugh. I really hope it doesn’t come to that but the English Lit convenor has said that the chances are most of the appeals won’t be accepted.

Anyway, I’m trying not to think about it. Denial is always the best option.

Right now I’m waiting to go to the dentist. I have really bad toothache and it’s driving me crazy. I used to handle pain pretty well and could battle through almost anything but now I’m just dissolving into a sobbing heap of ouch. Especially when it’s pain in my mouth or ear. OUCH. I am absolutely pathetic.

There’s a lot I had planned to say in this post, I’ve been offline for so long, both on here and on facebook (sorry, I’m not ignoring your messages I’m just not on fb much) and I know a lot has happened. But right now I’m just in a bit of a rubbish mood, I hate waiting for results and my tooth bloody hurts!

I’ll post again in a few days when I know the results and I’ll probably talk about something worthwhile rather than just rambling. (Haha, do I *ever* talk about anything worthwhile? O.O) Bye!

So I’ve been lying in bed all day drowning in self pity and reading fanfiction about me having sex with Elizabeth Bennet… This is life.

16 Jan

Okay guys, I’m sorry, I know I’ve once again neglected this blog. I’d like to tell you all I’ve not posted because I’ve been so productive, creative and generally living an exciting and fulfilling life. I haven’t. I’ve been lying in bed. And feeling ill. And sleeping. But mostly just lying here… eating maltesers….

Yup.

My first fortnight back at uni’s been a bit of a disaster, mostly because I’ve barely made it in. And I feel pretty terrible about that. I’m a bit worried about falling behind.

Christmas and New Year was a bit of a mixed bag. I’ve had a few bad bits, but thankfully mostly good. Until about the 2nd of January or something when I started being ill!! (I’M SO PATHETIC. I’M SICK. SOMEONE COME FEED ME SOUP.) Yeah, so I’ve been neglecting not just this blog but facebook, twitter, tumblr, emails, texting, skype and lj. When I went back online a couple of days ago to try and catch up with everyone I had several concerned messages asking if I’d died. This actually just highlights how ridiculously dependant and obsessed I am with social networking, when the fact I’ve been off it for a fortnight genuinely leads to people becoming concerned I HAD DIED.

So I’m once again outrageously behind on my reading lists. Well, I’m not, I’m actually on time and have read everything we’re going to be studying for the next two weeks. BUT compared to what I would normally be like, I’M SO BEHIND AND I’M PANICKING BECAUSE THERE’S SO MANY FREAKING BOOKS. I’m not sure how I feel about this term’s texts yet. Realising we’re doing Oscar Wilde has completely made my semester. But I’ve never heard of/don’t know much about any of the other texts for English. And comp lit… I mean… what even? The list is pretty soul destroying when you think about it… But I’m determined to withhold judgement this year until I’ve actually read them.

I’m learning about Islam in theology. Yes. Can’t you feel the joy radiating from me at the prospect of this semester? *sobs*

I’ve written a really bad poem. It would be nice if someone could help make it not so bad? Or not, you know. I’ll post it anyway. Seriously guys I need help. I can’t even call what I do poetry. Poetry’s supposed to have some sort of structure/rhyme/rhythm or just some sort of emotional appeal. I just write words wrongly strung together in an attempt to convey nonsense thoughts. Can someone just teach me how to write? *sobs again*

Oh yeah, I noticed this morning that my ‘For Soon To Be Students’ pages are getting a good couple thousand hits this week. I’m assuming it’s ucas results time or something? Anyway, I was looking over what I’d written for it and kind of freaked out. WHAT WAS I DOING WITH ALL THOSE COMMAS??? Everyone knows I have *the* worst punctuation skills known to man. But reading that back I couldn’t stop cringing. AHAHAHA. I’d gone a bit comma crazy. I’ve edited the commas out now. But holy mother of god…. Does someone want to recommend a book/website that would teach me the basics of punctuation/sentence structure? I’m deadly serious about this now. I KNOW NOTHING. I need to learn this from about primary school level upwards. Cause as you can all tell, my writing is pretty atrocious. So yeah, any sort of punctuation/grammar/sentence structure websites aimed at 12 year olds would come in really handy right now. Please?

OHHHH!!!! I also need to say thank you to the brilliant, but also slightly crazy ElsinorDarcy08 for writing a fanfic about me! Firstly, this is a little bit insane. But Elsinor is a little bit insane. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned on here but she’s asked me to send her some of my hair along with an autographed picture… You can kind of see the sort of person she is from that. She’s attempted to make a ‘jenchay fandom’. And she cried when I skyped her and said it was the best day of her life… The internet is a scary place guys. But yeah…

Her fanfic was called ‘Jenchay in Pemberly’. She’s not published it online (and I’m kinda glad because if somehow my parents came across it I’m pretty sure they’d both have heart attacks…) 

In this eighteen chapters long fanfiction I (the ‘spunky, hot, sarcastic dominatrix’) pretty much rock up in Pemberly, defile Elizabeth Bennet in ways you couldn’t possibly imagine, end up murdering Mr Darcy through some sort of bondage gone wrong scenario and pretty much lesbify the entire Pride and Prejudice world….

WOW. I appreciate the kind gesture Elsinor, really I do. It was lovely. And the fact you’ve spent so much of your own time writing about me having sex is… well… actually it’s pretty concerning. I think you should talk to someone about it. 

BUT I am in full support of having my own fandom. Clearly one day I am going to be queen of the internet and all fanfic will revolve around my steamy lesbian romps with Jane Austen’s maidens. 

 I’m going to leave you all with that delightful image now. Bye. 

Thank you!

18 Dec

Okay, so, I’ve had fifty thousand views on here since I posted that poem two (ish) days ago…. O.o WHAT? Um, thank you to everyone who’s read it and liked or commented on it, I do really appreciate all the positive (and negative) feedback. But I still think you’re all insane.

I’m not going to say much in this post, most of you know from Tumblr/Twitter I’ve been having a strange few days! Today was great though, managed to not get trampled on in the madness that is Sauchiehall Street a week before Christmas and met Heather and her Fiance for a walk round the Christmas fair! And then had to wrap about a bajillion presents, which is probably my least favourite thing to do!

And now I’ve had a lovely night with friends exchanging gifts and getting incredibly drunk! Do you know, I was asked the other day why I follow my own blog, and my reply is I do so much of my blogging completely hammered, I need the email alerts in the morning to remind me what I’ve said/ that I’ve written at all. It’s a tough life.

I’m heading home tomorrow, kind of glad to get away from here for a while. All this ‘having a life’ stuff’s very draining. No wonder I’ve avoided it the past 19 years.

I actually wanted to complain about something, but I’ve forgotten what it is so it can’t be that important.

I really only wanted to say thank you to everyone! I’ve been shocked, overwhelmed and completely confused at the amount of attention my last ‘poem’ received! So thanks. And I shall be blasting some more crap poetry your way soon, seeing as it’s clearly what you’re all into now. I’m hoping to use Christmas to get back into writing prose. We’ll say.

Anyway, I’d better love you and leave you, I’m completely shattered and ready to drop. Goodnight!

15 Dec

Originally posted on AAlibrary's Blog:

Just the other day I passed a link to  this website to colleague and teacher of English at Annan Academy Graeme Cooper, together with a cryptic note “How about it?”. Our Mr Cooper is a recently published  and talented poet(see him blush) and I’m sure you will all agree after reading his poem below. Fellow librarians say the poem should be published as a poster to display in our libraries.I for one, would buy one for home too.

Journey’s End?

Why do we,
Need a library,
When to search on line,
Does the job just fine?
Takes us straight to what we want to see?
Because of what we miss along the way.
For what journeys do we go on now,
Without by-passing all unneeded towns?
What unknown places do we pass through,
To notice sights and people new,
That prick our imagination and curiousity?
Where do we stop unintended to explore and try,
To taste the…

View original 173 more words

**poem with explicit themes and depressing as dead kittens on a barbecue**

15 Dec

To the man who broke me

To the man who broke me

That night alone on the bridge

When you stole my innocence away

To the man who held me

Down, pinned to the cold, wet ground

And stole a part of me, the heart of me away

To the man who heard me

Beg for mercy he wouldn’t give

And lie numb to the pain of my soul being leeched away

I hope one day you feel

The clenching in your stomach

The cold shivers, the sheer terror

The flashbacks that keep you up at night

I hope one day you’ll look

Out of your window and dread

Having to face the world

I hope one day I’ll meet you

And see in your eyes all of the pain

That you’ve put me through

Multiplied until all there is left

Of your already ruined humanity

Is horror

I hope one day you’ll feel regret

And beg for forgiveness

And I hope you see me

My crippled soul

And know you’ll never have it

You’ll never have my forgiveness

Like a dying man thirsting for redemption

Redemption you won’t receive

I hope you rot and burn

In your own personal hell

And feel all the pain you’ve caused

And I hope you suffer.

Rants and good things.

12 Dec

SO this post will probably end up being a bit of a strange mishmash of thoughts so be prepared for rambling nonsense.

I’m finally free from exams!! I’m so relieved just to have them finished but I’m now dreading the results. I know I’ve done my best and I really don’t think I could have done much more preparation for them as I’ve been revising for months. But I’m still really disappointed in certain aspects of each exam. My English Lit conclusions were awful, and they’re usually the sole salvation of my essays, my comp lit was a bit of a vague push towards a point I didn’t really believe in, so it was probably not at all convincing, and my theology essays were, well, where to start. They were supposed to be on spirituality in the Japanese tradition and in Sufism (Islamic mysticism)… They were actually a rant about how pointless I think flower arranging is and I mentioned (IN SUFISM!!) that I think Jesus would like my wellies. Why, you ask? I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA. Not only was mentioning Jesus completely off the mark, there wasn’t even a possible link between spirituality in the Qur’an and early Islamic tradition and my wellies. I think I’m doomed.

I’m just trying not to think about them until the results are out. There’s no point worrying over something I can’t change now.

Anyway, I’m now spending a couple of days in bed, catching up on sleep and sorting out some blog/social networking stuff. I mentioned in my last post that I’d received a really mean homophobic message through one of my sites and I now seem to be attracting arguments from either side of the ‘gay’ debate. Not even the ‘gay marriage’ debate, which at least has some point to it. For some reason I’ve attracted some interesting and many insane comments and whatnot so I’m trying to decide what to do about it. As much as I am interested in lgbt issues and occasionally post interesting articles, I would not describe any of my blogs as gay activist or promotion or whatever else people are describing them as, and I’m really struggling to see why I’m attracting so much arguments. And I’m also pretty pissed that so many lgbt people are behaving just as ignorantly as the muppets telling me I’m the spawn of satan.

At some point this week I’m going to write a response/discussion/random airing of my views on all of this and post or link to it on all of my sites, and I’m going to respectfully ask that any homophobic/heterophobic/sexist comments be kept to yourself or else they will be deleted. I don’t like having to do that, I’m a strong believer that you should be allowed to voice your opinion, even if it’s something I disagree with, however there is a time and a place and my blogs/facebook/twitter/whatever is not that. If I had posted a comment or something that in some way started an argument or heated debate then fair enough, but I’d done nothing of the sort and I’m now being sent too many messages, particularly anonymous, vicious and hateful ones which I’m not going to put up with. But I will properly respond to this later on.

Right, so now that’s out of the way, I actually wanted to talk about some stuff.

First off, I’m a bit pissed at a couple of my friends right now, mostly because I don’t really know where I stand with them. One minute we’re really close, the next we’re barely speaking. I don’t know is we’re really good friends or just acquaintances that text/fb chat each other a lot. And I’m getting really really annoyed at the whole one word answers/putting no effort at all into conversations/forgetting I exist when they’ve got someone better to talk to. I’ve got no idea what to do about that, I feel like our friendships right now are completely one-sided and it’s too much hard work for me to keep them going when you’re not even making the slightest efforts. So I’m gonna do the thing I’ve been saying I’ll do for ages with this, I’m going to put in as much effort as they do. No point in me trying if they don’t actually want to speak to me/be friends/ whatever. So expect one word answers, half arsed sentences which invite no reply and pretty much my complete indifference to your life. If you put in a bit of effort, I will too, if you don’t, well, I guess we’re probably both better off out of this friendship completely.

Secondly, what the hell kind of person goes about picking fights on facebook? I have a couple of people I’m friends with (and won’t be just shortly) who are constantly picking arguments over nothing, being mean to people who are just stating an opinion or something and who are turning on other people writing comments that not only make them look like a complete bitch, but also actually turns them into a complete laughing stock and makes them appear completely ignorant about pretty much everything ranging from the issue they’re discussing to just generally being a decent human being. No. STOP IT NOW.

Thirdly, whoever made my washing machine/tumble dryer wants to do one. My washing was in there for a total of FOUR HOURS and it came out still stained and SOAKING WET despite it having been tumble drying for two hours. And no, it wasn’t over loaded it was THREE FREAKING JUMPERS. And it’s making really weird sounds and I’m too scared to use it more than once incase it explodes or comes alive and tries to eat me like it seems to be doing to all my socks. However, I finally manned up and started using conditioner as well as soap powder AND put these pouch things in the drum itself. For anyone who knows how genuinely terrified I am of this horror of a machine, this is one of the bravest things I’ve ever done. Ever.

So that’s some rants that’ve been brewing in my brain today. Here’s some happy stuff – – I’m starting to lose weight, I (mostly) have the best friends in the whole world (Sarah coming to look after me and get me drunk now I’m suffering post exam funk, Heather being amazing stopping me panicking so much, Livvi panicking along-side me, both Lauren’s for just being absolute babes, Kirsty who I’ve only just started talking to again after too long who’s just so ridiculously sweet it’s unreal, Hayley for her useful, constructive and slightly drunk advice on English essays, Kath for being so nice making me hot chocolate and pushing me through the bad bits and Jade buying me flowers, wine and lunch to celebrate my exams being over and just generally being her awesome, lovely self. And everyone I’ve forgot.), I just bought two bags full of vegetables and I’m gonna make soup and curries and stuff to freeze for when I can’t be bothered making an actual dinner but don’t fancy supernoodle sandwiches, I’m planning on spending the next few nights varying between drunken giggling and catatonia, I have so many good books lined up to read that AREN’T COURSE BOOKS YAYAYAY, I have no dishes to do right now, my flat is relatively tidy, I have wellies and icegrips so I’m prepared for the snow/slush/ice that’s forecast, I plan on emailing everyone I’ve been meaning to email, I’m gonna hunt out Mrs J’s spark notes books and return them because FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IT’S BEEN TWO YEARS ALREADY, I have reached level 76 on candy crush saga (a facebook game), I bought loads of new socks so my feet are dead toasty, I got to see my gran, Aunty Lorraine and Uncle Tom last weekend, which was great, I now have time ot start doing my day zero project stuff, I’m overjoyed at the prospect of going home and having my mum there to make me nice food and to eat biscuits (I’m refusing to buy them, they’re too much temptation…), I’ve got almost all my xmas shopping done, I’ve decided to start writing short stories again after stopping for so long, I’ve not fainted in forever, I don’t need to revise, I don’t have essays, I just discovered I’m actually an alright drawer (as in can draw stuff, not that I can store underwear really, really well…) and to top it all off I GET TO SLEEP IN AS LATE AS I WANT BECAUSE THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS EXAMS OR RESPONSIBILITY IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW! YEEEEES!

Right, well, this is probably the longest post I’v ewritten to date and it’s about complete crap. Yes, my life is so exciting… Bye.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,420 other followers