To cut out my heart

8 Jan

To cut out my heart

I had this odd desire

To cut out my heart

Grind it to a powder

And sprinkle it in your tea.

I wanted you to taste

This wealth of love

I’ve got growing in me

Like a butterfly in a coccoon

Or a cancer in a festering sore.

This desire grew more

And more until I

Just couldn’t stop it. I

Had to do it, make you see.

I grabbed the sharpest knife

That was to hand,

And carved, Deeper and Deeper.

At first a shallow hole, but soon

It grew. More and More and More.

I wanted to take it

Out and crush it, then

Sprinkle each little drop,

Dissolve it, you wouldn’t see.

But you would taste it,

On your tongue as

You sipped it into you,

All my love, devotion, worship.

And so I pulled, I ripped and I tore

And I dug in my fingers

Racked my nails through skin

And muscles, and as I felt

That first beating rhythm in me

I clenched hard and pulled

And in my hand

I held my heart and wondered

At its weight, its size, its nothingness.

My heart, a blood filled muscle, nothing more

Than an empty sack. How

Could this hold such depth

Of feelings, captured so?

One cut, I set them free.


9 Responses to “To cut out my heart”

  1. Suzanne Mckain January 8, 2012 at 7:31 pm #

    ^^ i love this. its your best one yet

    • Jen C Hay January 8, 2012 at 7:46 pm #

      πŸ™‚ Thank you! I actually quite like this one myself, which is weird. I never like my own poetry!! I just had a dream about this last night and thought I’d write it down. πŸ˜€

  2. willowdot21 January 8, 2012 at 8:28 pm #

    Ewe ………… not sure I like that but it is a stunningly good poem. xx

    • Jen C Hay January 8, 2012 at 8:38 pm #

      :/ I wasn’t sure if I was verging on gross, or just being so! lol, it’s too descriptive I think. But I had a dream about it, so everything was like real life when I described it. πŸ™‚ Not sure that’s a good thing… ALso, in my dream, my heart was pink and the veins were frilly…

  3. granbee January 9, 2012 at 11:10 pm #

    Very wonderful ode to the conflicts between “heart” as soul and “heart” as muscle pumping blood! Wonderful contrast between prior assumptions about our own feelings/how best to convey them and how to show/invite love.

  4. awakeningpsyche January 25, 2012 at 6:24 pm #

    I love this kind of poetry…connects directly….and loved how you artistically handled it by expressing love, fusing words of pain…:)

    • Jen C Hay January 25, 2012 at 7:34 pm #

      πŸ™‚ Thank you! I’ve had a lot of mixed opinions about this poem, some people really like it, others think it’s a little too graphic. I’m glad you liked it!

  5. joannagilmanhyde October 21, 2012 at 3:44 pm #

    I especially like the first four lines.

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