Hiding in the wardrobe.

16 May

I’m back! Missed me?

 

I’ve been away longer than I thought I would be, my exams completely monopolised my attention, as per. Anyway, now that I’ve got the whole summer to myself I thought I’d best start by posting!

 

Well, my exams are over! Yippee!!!

 

NO MORE PHILOSOPHY!!! YIPPPEEEEEE!!!

 

Well, I hope there’s no more Philosophy, but if I’ve failed this exam (which is looking increasingly more likely every time I think about it) I’ll need to resit it in August. I’m hoping it won’t be too long until we find out what the results are. I’m really not the most patient sort when it comes to waiting for exam results.

 

Anyway, I don’t feel very confident about any of my exams, but luckily I think my memory has decided to repress them for me. Every time I try to remember them it’s all just one big blur of panic and tears. And hiding in cupboards.

 

I think this last may be a new, unexpected, and worrying ‘coping’ technique. When I was younger I made a den in my wardrobe, curling up on the shelf to read books. I even plugged in an extension cord so I could use a lamp and close the doors, totally sealing myself off. The night before my Philosophy exam found me in the same position. I think it was about ten at night when I went into the wardrobe (which was actually filled with stuff that ended up thrown about my room in the after effects of hurricane Jennifer) and it was about four in the morning before I made it back to my bed without a severe dose of hysteria. For the next two exams I sealed off the wardrobe.

 

I’m not going to write anything more about the exams. As I’ve said, I barely remember them, and I’m sure that’s for the best.

 

What else has been happening in the (really, really) long time since I last wrote, you ask?

 

A whole heap load of nothing.

 

I can’t remember if I mentioned in my last post that I’d taken not well, but I did. I ended up missing a lot of my course. About a third of it actually. It was incredibly daunting realising just how much my health managed to affect my studying. I had to spend a lot longer compensating for it when I was feeling up to it. Most people know by now that I’m really not the sort to let being sick get in the way of my studies, so I’m sure you can figure out for yourselves quite how bad it had gotten this time.

 

So clearly the lest few months have not been my best. Actually the last five months have been one disaster after another. But I’m determined, at last, not to let it get any worse. I can’t change what’s happened so now I’ve just got to get on with it.

 

Starting with trying to get in touch with my friends again. The last little while has been spent in my own little world of panic, denial and self pity, now it’s time to rejoin reality. I’m finally going to get back to my emails, facebooking and socialising, and really it’s about time too.

 

Hopefully I’ll be able to get a job this summer as well! I’ve applied everywhere and I’m just waiting with my fingers crossed now.

 

I’ve not really written much in this post but I have a feeling I’ll be updating at least a couple of times this week, so I promise to make up for it! This is really just a post to say I’m back and sorry it’s been so long!

 

Bye!

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3 Responses to “Hiding in the wardrobe.”

  1. sfbell09 May 16, 2012 at 5:35 pm #

    Glad to see you return!

  2. granbee May 16, 2012 at 9:23 pm #

    Beating a constant prayer drum for you, dear Jen C! I had forgotten that my second marriage to the man with whom I raised my children (and with whom they and I still have a good relationship) was ended soon after I returned to my own childhood habit of tunneling into my closet. I had forgotten all about that until reading this post. I call this serendipitous and fortuitous, because I am working on some long, snailmail type letters to both my adult children requesting forgiveness for some of my weird times while they were growing up. They are both very successful, very vibrant and ethically strong adults, with wonderful homes of their own. But it never hurts to make sure the decks have been cleared of old detritus, does it? I have a notion you did better on those exams than you think. I also have an inkling that your next five months will be much, much better. You are such an honest and caring person; you deserve a lot of good things!

  3. willowdot21 May 17, 2012 at 9:48 am #

    Hi Jen, yes I have missed you and I hope that whatever was making you unwell has now been dealt with and despatched. It is good to see you back and I look forward to whatever you have to offer! As to those exams they are done now you cannot change the results now so put them to the back of your mind! I am sure you have done your best, that is all you can do! So looking forward ( repeating myself now!!) to you being back here with us on wordpress!! Hugs!!

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