Back to normal

29 Oct

All sense of achievement is lost, I have no motivation and I can’t reason with myself to get out of bed. Clearly, things have gotten back to normal after my unusual dose of optimism these past few months. It’s been a long few days, a lot’s happened, a hell of a lot’s gone wrong and I’ve pretty much gone round the twist. On the plus side, I’ve remembered my once perfected ability to look like I’m focusing while really imagining pretty colours and wondering how long until I can get back to bed.

I’ve been slowly coming down from my ‘new-start-I’mma-be-a-good-student-and-learn-and-stuff’ high at the start of the term. It’s lasted longer than I thought it would, which is mostly good. Hopefully now that 2/3 essays are finished I can calm down and get things back on track, but I doubt it. It’s almost time for exam panic!

Anyway, I think I’ve figured out why it’s been months and months and months since I last posted any creative writing on here. I have absolutely no confidence in my work anymore! This is not surprising, I hardly ever did, but it seems to have gotten worse. To the extent even thinking about writing makes me feel slightly ill. What’s happening?? I’m getting upset with myself because usually when I start feeling down I write something but it’s been that long since I’ve had the confidence to do that, I’m starting to worry I’ll never start again.

I’m going to try though. I’ll do that tonight. After I sleep for a little bit. God, I’m exhausted! I’ve been awake pretty much constantly for days attempting to do these essays. And they were awful. After all the weeks of planning my comp Lit one took all of two hours to actually write, had 8 quotations total and one secondary source. I’m starting to wonder if I’m cut out for this.

Sarah, my friend who’s been putting up with my near constant hysteria the last few days, has told me I need a confidence boost. I’m feeling deflated and need something to perk me back up again. So what am I going to do? Should I go out and have fun? Meet up with friends? Should I start writing and hope it works well enough to cheer me up? OR should I curl up in bed, watch ‘Tipping the Velvet’ with a hot chocolate and a box of tissues? Right now, the last’s sounding pretty appealing to me right now.

Anyway, I know this post’s pretty crap and doesn’t really say anything at all, but it was on my to-do list and now I feel like I’ve accomplished something, even if it is just something as half arsed as this.

Also, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who’s been reading this blog! I’ve had about 10,000 views in the last week, though god only knows how! I seem to have had a sudden surge in popularity! So thank you everyone!

I’ll blog again later this week. Probably sooner, actually. I’m in a whining mood.

Bye.

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5 Responses to “Back to normal”

  1. willowdot21 October 29, 2012 at 9:06 pm #

    Chin up chic all will be well!

  2. hollyannegetspoetic October 29, 2012 at 9:10 pm #

    Hello Jen – sorry to see you’re feeling like this. We all go through periods of doubt in our writing and doubt in ourselves and what we can accomplish. I know that doesn’t make it any easier, but sometimes it’s easy to forget that. I’ve been there.
    If you want to write, then write – you might surprise yourself. But never feel you “should” as that will stymie you. Also, you don not need to share what you write until you feel comfortable with it. You will know when you feel ready. I hope you don’t beat yourself up about this too much though. Take care. xx

  3. ericmvogt October 29, 2012 at 11:20 pm #

    You just keep on writing, Jen. It will help.

  4. kate58 November 1, 2012 at 6:08 pm #

    Write for YOURSELF, Jen. Write for YOU. I’ve been writing since I was nine, & I never write for other people, i.e. the masses. Probably why I’m still undiscovered, but I don’t care… 🙂

  5. elizabeth November 3, 2012 at 6:35 pm #

    My old mama used to say a trouble halved?? is a trouble quartered, but the third left over from the whole is what really matters…I think 🙂

    Actually it’s a trouble shared is a trouble halved. You are human Jen and you will have down days and days were you can’t think straight and days you can’t string two words together, but they will pass. The sun will shine again and the little birdies with sing again and you will feel on top of the world again. The secret to dealing with the downers is to know, This too shall pass.

    With the writing, all you need do is write a sentence; one sentence, and then let the Muse have her way. It may not always be Pulitzer Prize winning stuff, but you will be writing.

    Keep on keeping on 🙂

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