Archive | November, 2012

There’s nothing of value in this post at all. My brain sucks.

29 Nov

WELL, Hello everyone.

It’s been an odd few weeks. Exams are coming up; I’m a bit stressed about it. And by a bit stressed I mean I’m about to have a mental breakdown. But we’ll pretend that’s not happening. In fact, let’s just pretend there’s gonna be no exams ever. EVER.

Hmm, it has been an amazing week. Monday I went to a talk by ALASDAIR GRAY!!!!! And got my books signed and spoke to him and AHAHAHA! I’m a HUGE fan and I was ridiculously excited to go to see him. AHAHA!! And I had a nice lunch and dinner with different friends. Tuesday was filled with tea with friends, as was today. And last night was brilliant at the Ceilidh. Wasn’t sure whether I was going to go or not but I’m really glad I did! I ACTUALLY DANCED. Once, and it was a slow waltz… BUT IT COUNTS. I didn’t even fall over!!! And went to polo again and didn’t get lost this time!  And was cuddling. A lot. And cuddling today too. 😀 ❤

I’m attempting to figure out my English Lit stuff but I’m totally drowning under it. Feel really disappointed in the lectures this year. The majority of the lectures are totally irrelevant to the course subject and I just don’t think I’ve really gotten much out of my course this year. Comp lit’s sort of the same actually, but it’s not too bad, given it’s only one lecture a week I didn’t really have much hope for getting a lot out of it. Theology’s still going good though. I’m worried about it, but not to the point I’m ready to throw myself out of a high building.

I’ve got quite a lot to talk about but I’m just so so so so so tired. I wanted to post something today though, cause I’ve neglected you all again. L I’ll write another post soon when my brain starts working again.


No to Page 3?

18 Nov

So this is a bit of rant I’m afraid, sorry.

Well, the other day at the Uni someone had scrawled in chalk on the way up to the library something about ‘saying no to page 3, women aren’t objects’ and it got me thinking. Recently I’ve been reading a lot of feminist literature and articles. Feminism is something I’ve always had pretty mixed feelings about I guess. I can understand the need for fighting for equality because, despite common beliefs, we still don’t have it. But I also think that a lot of extreme, radical feminists are taking things too far now. At some point in time there was need for this extremism, women didn’t have a voice and weren’t being heard, they had to shout at the top of their lungs and do everything they could with what they had.

That’s not the case anymore. I’m not saying the fight has to stop, I’m saying the way it’s approached has to change. And I’m also saying that people need to take a serious look at what it is they’re fighting for and figure out if it really is equality of the sexes they’re looking for or if it’s actually role reversal, placing women above men in society.

Take this no page 3 argument. For those of you who don’t know what Page 3 is, one (or more, I’m not sure, I don’t read trashy tabloids if I can avoid them) of the British newspaper puts photographs of topless women on their page 3, usually accompanied by some punny comment. Now, the first and probably most important point to make here is that all the Page 3 models are consensual adults, who not only agree to it, but go out of their way to make it onto this page. It’s almost like a crappy British attempt at Playboy or something. I don’t want to get into the issue of why these women want to be on page 3. Yes, I’m sure it’s for reasons that would make most feminists’ hair curl. But their motivations really aren’t the issue. It’s their right to do it that I’m arguing for.

Am I missing something or isn’t the whole point of feminism to accept all women of all types doing their own thing without judgement? I may be over simplifying this, of course we can still disagree with things, like covering themselves in tattoos or getting those awful big circle things in their ears, but we don’t have massive facebook campaigns attempting to rid the world of ‘tunnels’. And to be honest, if this campaign had been organised by men, even saying the same line, ‘women shouldn’t be objects’ I can guarantee you there’d be public outcry about the censuring of expression and women’s rights to their own bodies. Why is it ok for another woman to claim they’re being used as sex objects and it’s wrong, but if a man were to do so he’d be vilified? And why does anyone have this right anyway? Yes, by all means be as judgemental as you want, I’m sure these smoking hot women who get paid just for having nice boobs(real or fake) couldn’t care less, but is it really fair to stop this because you’d be uncomfortable being viewed that way? They aren’t, and it’s their choice. If they want to be flashing their bits at the world, it’s their decision. Surely arguing for freedom of expression for women, the ability to say and do anything men can do, doesn’t stop just because their way of expressing themselves isn’t what you agree with?

Also, in the interest of equality, if we’re complaining about women being used as sex objects, we should be complaining about men being used in the same way also. Until there’s a campaign to get the topless men out of all the women’s mags and off the posters all over the place then I’m still arguing that this no page 3 thing is just sexism in reverse, men can be seen as objects but women can’t? There’s so much wrong with this, I don’t even know where to start.  Firstly, this is implying that the female body is something which ought to be covered up and not stared at by men, but a male body is not. Why? There’s so many ways this could be interpreted, mostly not positive for feminism in the slightest. Is there something intrinsically worse about a man’s view of a naked women than a women’s of a man? I’ll let you into a little secret, women can be just as pervy as men when it comes to half naked bodies. More so, some would argue. Can men take it and women can’t? Why? Why is ok for men to be naked and women not to be? Why is it so awful for a woman to be seen as a sex object, but in these awful mills and boons type books, men are basically walking penises? Why is it ok for a women to see a man in purely sexual ways but if a man sees a naked women (let’s not forget, a naked, consensual women who wants to be seen) in the papers and thinks, ‘Oh, she’s a bit of all right’ it’s some massive insult to female sexuality.

And yes, I’m well aware that society views a women being topless and a man being topless as totally different issues. It’s not the issue of toplessness that I’m talking about, it’s the perception of men and women in general. Why should it be different? It shouldn’t.

This ‘no page 3’ argument isn’t the ‘equality’ argument. If it was it’d be the ‘no naked people anywhere’ argument. It’s the ‘judgemental women’ argument, and it’s one of the reasons I’m often so frustrated at feminists. They turn on each other for everything, especially if another person doesn’t fit into their model of what a woman should be.

Honestly, I’m not oblivious to the way a lot of men sexualise women. It’s horrible and, yes, of course we need to fight it. But when the focus of this fight is on women who consensually become the sex object, rather than those who are the *real* victims of this over-sexualisation of women, I’m pretty sure we’re losing the point. And making ourselves look like idiots by fitting right into the stereotype of judgemental, frigid, hairy-armpit type feminists.

My bff’s an Orangutan. Just pointing this out.

17 Nov

So, it’s been a little while since I updated properly, mostly because I’ve had essays coming out my ears. I’ve not exactly coped well with them this year. I never cope well, really. But this lot has taken things to a whole new level. I procrastinated until pretty much the last minute for the first two, English and Comparative Literature; I’d just completely lost my focus and couldn’t sit down long enough to get the words on the paper. But I had a very detailed plan for English. And by very detailed I mean I had not just every paragraph, but every sentence planned beforehand. This kind of showed how bad my attention span’s become lately I guess, I knew exactly what I was going to write but just couldn’t get it out. I’ve noticed this happening with creative writing but my essays too?! No fair!

Comp lit, a 1,500 word essay on the role of duty in the depiction of a hero, took all of two hours to write, at about eleven o’clock the night before it was due, completely off the top of my head with no plan in sight. You can probably guess how well that went.

Theology, oh God, where do I start? I knew the mess I’d gotten myself into with the first two, so I forced myself to site down every night for the week before it was due and write. Unlike with the other two, I did manage to write the essay before it was due. In fact, I wrote six different essays. And furiously deleted six different essays. And ripped up the detailed plans for the six different essays, complete with quotes and analysis from secondary sources. And then ended up writing a completely off the cuff essay on the morning it was due in which consisted of at least 50% quotes, just to fill up the space. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I’d tried so hard with that bloody essay! But for some reason, even after planning and planning, when it came to writing it there was just no structure and half of what I wrote didn’t even relate to the question. I’m so disappointed with it, I genuinely don’t feel like I’ve written an essay that poor before. And it’s worth 50% of my grade. If I don’t do well enough in it, I won’t be able to take the course next year! And God only knows what I’ll do then! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Okay, it’s time to calm down from that (theology essay was due at five tonight) and focus on studying for the exams which are ridiculously close. I’m going to put most of my attention towards theology, because I feel that with English I’m almost I my element, I know what I’m doing and can do it without too much problems, as long as I know the text. But with theology, it’s so much more challenging for me. I love that, but God, it’s going to be the death of me I swear.

But I’ve decided I’m taking the night off. I’m going to go out with my friends, get very, very drunk and pretend there’s no such thing as uni, essays or exams. Sounds like the best option to me. Vodka here I come.

I’m on the train right now and, for the first time, I have my music playing (through head phones) from my laptop. I don’t normally do this in public places. It’s too much pressure on me not to dance and screech along with my *clearly* amazing playlist. I’m getting some odd looks right now, but I’m beyond caring. Jermaine Stewart’s just came on, We don’t haaave to take out clooothes off to have a gooooood time, ohno, we could daaaance and party aaaall niiight…

I’ve had a lot of stress these last few weeks as well. Today I’m pretty close to breaking point. Again. Urgh, honestly, the subway broke down for ten minutes ‘was delayed’ in a freaking tunnel. I am beyond claustrophobic, I was sitting in the carriage with half a dozen people, just crying silently and trying not to scream my lungs raw. As a result of this I missed my train home and had to hang about Glasgow Central for an hour and a half, freezing my arse off for the next train.

Before this, I managed to have a complete meltdown, think I had already missed the train because I stupidly forgot to change the time on my phone when the clocks went back. I was running about like a lunatic, trying to pack my sister’s birthday present (belated happy 16th Bethany. Xxx), messaging my friend about going out tonight and how I’d probably missed the train and will be late and a lot of frowny faces. Then realising I actually had a whole hour til the train left, feeling like an idiot for panicking.

And I missed the damn thing after all.

Also, my phone’s broken. I can’t call or text anyone, or receive messages or calls. SO, you can imagine the mess when I had to contact my parents and my friends about being late. Having to whap out the laptop in the middle of the central and skype, actually skype them to let them know. Honestly, my head’s about to explode with the stress of this.

Yes, I know, you don’t even need to tell me how incredible my taste in music is. 😀

Hmm, what else has happened other than essays? Well, I don’t think I’ve eaten an actual meal for about four/five days now, unless super-noodle sandwiches count. I’ve been so bad at replying to fb messages and texts and emails. And I’m gonna continue to be, until my exams are over.

OOOOOOOOOOH! EDISON LIGHTHOUSE JUST CAME THROUGH MY HEADPHONES. I was born in the wrong decade. She aint got no money, her clothes are kinda funny, her hair is kinda wild and freeeee, Oooh Loooooove grows where my rooosemary gooooes and nobody knooooows like meeeee.

Oh Jeez. I’m gonna stop writing now, it’s distracting me from the awesomeness of this song. BYE!

**tagging this on at the end of this post just to inform you all my night was successful and I’ve ended up drunkenly caressing a door. xx


10 Nov

Hello everyone!

Well, instead of writing my theology essay I’ve been exploring this brilliant website called, which is basically a massive to-do list, a way to get motivated, plan and create fun and entertaining things to do, and put a timer on them, so you have to aim and complete these lists. I have created a ‘101 things in 1001 days’ list, which I’m sharing on here, as a surprising amount of my aims turned out to be writing/blogging related!

Over the next 1001 be prepared to be bombarded with my attempts to complete this list! It’s not too serious, deliberately because I don’t think I could handle failing at anything important! So, here it is, and I’ve already made a good start! I’ve created so as not to annoy you all too much with this! Can’t think of another way to keep it separate from my actual blog!

Yeah, I’m not going to write much more tonight, I’m going to attempt to do this essay. If anyone out there has an opinion on mysticism in the Ancrene Wisse I’d be more than happy for your input. (worth a try, isn’t it?)

P.S. If you’re concerned by the new *girly* background, well, I couldn’t help myself. It’s pink!! 😀

6 Nov

Oh Jesus… Someone remind me why I want this?!?!

Singing Pigs

A short little piece inspired by the tenth student in fifteen minutes to inquire about a test.

1. Have you graded our tests yet?

No.  Contrary to popular belief, I am not a Scantron machine.  Good thing, too, because to my knowledge, Scantron machines cannot grade short answer or essay questions which make up the bulk of your test.  And while I do consider myself a reasonably intelligent human being I have not yet perfected my reading skills to complete ninety, four-page tests in one hour (which is exactly how long it has been since you walked out of my classroom) even if I weren’t teaching the rest of the day or preparing your classes for tomorrow.  I reassure you that the second the tests are graded, the grades will be posted online because (also contrary to popular belief) I have better things to do than get my kicks by…

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New Directions.

3 Nov

SO, I’m writing a quick post just to say this blog is kinda going to change. It’s where I’ll post creative writing, and sort of give updates on what I’ve been up to, but it’s no longer going to be about the ‘feelings’ side of things.

After being told by my mum to delete the last post because I have no right to say that about her, I realised that it’s just not going to work. I guess by trying to say I feel constricted in my writing by having my parents reading this and having to alter what I say and things, so as not to upset them, or cause awkward talks and then being told I can’t say even that, it’s just made it clearer that I need to separate the two aspects of my blog.

If I can’t really talk about what I actually need to talk about on here without being censored, then I’m going to have to seriously reconsider what I’m doing with this blog. I can’t write half-heartedly, missing out the bits that are really bothering me. I’ll update as much as normal, but it probably won’t involve anything personal for want of offending someone. AND hopefully I’ll get some more creative writing up, because that was what this blog was for, after all, somewhere to post my writing and get feedback, support and criticism.

So yeah, that’s that then. I don’t know how to express what I want to say about that. Just disappointed I’ve lost this place, somewhere I’d had a lot of freedom to talk. But I’m also feeling pretty positive as well. I can get this blog back to what it was originally, and cut out most of the personal bits. Well anyway, I thought I’d inform you all of this now, and hopefully I’ll not need to delete this post too.

Right then, bye! 🙂

Also, after being told off for ‘ripping into’ Sarah in my last post, I felt a bit concerned she’d maybe taken it seriously and so had everyone else who’d read my blog. Her reply when I asked her was ‘ Chill. You’ve not offended me any more than you usually do just by existing. :)’ so have no fear fellow bloggers, it was just our usual mode of communication through insults, which may seem extreme to normal people, but is as close as we get to loving kindness. 🙂

2 Nov

So, I again have nothing much to say here but have ran out of other ways to ‘relax’ and calm down a bit, so you’re all just going to have to put up with me.

Well, I tried. Actually I tried really hard these last few days to get everything back on track. And all things considered I’ve managed pretty well. Even though I don’t think I’ve managed to resolve most of the problems I had at the start of the week, I at least feel like I’m making progress.

This is, mostly, down to other people though. My friends are being so supportive, and I’ve had a couple of really nice messages from people telling me to stop being so down. One in particular, from my ex teacher, pretty much sorted me out. Honestly, it’s been years since she was actually my teacher and she still sorts out all my problems! She’ll be sick of me by now though. And obviously, H and H and H and C and L and B and S and M and K and J and oh jeez, too many people have helped me. So thank you everyone, I’m gonna not be so much of a depressed idiot now.


Right, so, off that topic, I’ve been pretty much dead on my feet yesterday and today after going out for Halloween first to a Rocky Horror Show screening, then for a night out at Polo, arguably the best gay club in Glasgow. To quote my status on facebook:

‘Halloween at Polo is something you need to experience to fully understand…. Been told I look ‘fabulous darling’ half a dozen times, had a stranger pretty much get to second base with my scissor-hands, been used as some sort of scratching post by so many drunk, slutty nuns I’m thinking of converting, and was witness to about fifty or so very flamboyant men in some form of leather underwear or FrankNFurter-esque type get-up attempting to drunkenly do the Gangnam dance… WOW. JUST WOW.’

So, yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Amazing night, if a bit surreal, and the costumes were beyond belief! I was Edward scissorhands, and was pretty good even if I do say so myself. I did look like a bit of a hooker though. And by ‘a bit’ I mean I was wearing a black leather dress, thigh high boots and fishnets…

There’s actually loads I want to rant about, just people in general really, but I’ll save that for later.

Hmm, actually no, I want to complain about someone so I’m gonna.

URGH. I feel like I’m turning into a right bitch, but everyone’s just telling me I’m finally growing a back bone. And I’m not gonna lie, it is about time. I used to be the worst person in the world for letting people walk all over me. Honestly, anyone who really knew me in high school would agree, I was a complete push over. But now when I do stand up for myself a bit, especially with my friend Sarah, I feel great.

Admittedly, with Sarah it’s normally not serious, just joking about, but I think I’ve learnt from the constant abuse I get from her that I can stand up for myself. She’s just got a horrible personality and bullies the crap out of me every waking minute, but I’m now becoming just as bad, and through her insulting me and me insulting her back I am, in a strange way, getting a thicker skin and being able to not only take more crap without becoming far too upset (my biggest character flaw is that I’m too bloody emotional and whenever someone upsets me it’s like the world has ended) but can also just tell someone to fuck off. Which is a new quality, but also pretty useful at times.

Don’t get me wrong, Sarah’s my best friend, and probably my favourite person in the world. But she’s also an arsehole. And I’m sure she’s reading this and will agree with me. There are so many words I could use to describe her, and probably will. And she’d deserve every one of them. But I’ve learnt a lot from her horrible and uncontrollable meanness, and she’s taught me so much in the way of not thinking of myself as some horrible little cretin, mostly because she uses what’s really upsetting me to insult me and makes me face up to it. But at the same time, she never really goes too far either, always just enough to make me go ‘oh yeah, I think that about myself. If Sarah’s saying it, it’s obviously ridiculous and probably not true so I should stop that’. Yeah, so Sarah. Pain in the arse, best friend and general nuisance.

Yeah, so I’m not sure who I wanted to complain about, there’s so many people in my mind. That sounds bad, I’m not particularly thinking of friends or anything, actually the target of my rant would range from Kitty Butler (WHY KITTY? WHY?) to Joseph bloody Conrad. So yeah, I’m just in one of those moods.

Right, I’m gonna go before I offend everyone even more than I probably have. Bye!