2 Nov

So, I again have nothing much to say here but have ran out of other ways to ‘relax’ and calm down a bit, so you’re all just going to have to put up with me.

Well, I tried. Actually I tried really hard these last few days to get everything back on track. And all things considered I’ve managed pretty well. Even though I don’t think I’ve managed to resolve most of the problems I had at the start of the week, I at least feel like I’m making progress.

This is, mostly, down to other people though. My friends are being so supportive, and I’ve had a couple of really nice messages from people telling me to stop being so down. One in particular, from my ex teacher, pretty much sorted me out. Honestly, it’s been years since she was actually my teacher and she still sorts out all my problems! She’ll be sick of me by now though. And obviously, H and H and H and C and L and B and S and M and K and J and oh jeez, too many people have helped me. So thank you everyone, I’m gonna not be so much of a depressed idiot now.

*********

Right, so, off that topic, I’ve been pretty much dead on my feet yesterday and today after going out for Halloween first to a Rocky Horror Show screening, then for a night out at Polo, arguably the best gay club in Glasgow. To quote my status on facebook:

‘Halloween at Polo is something you need to experience to fully understand…. Been told I look ‘fabulous darling’ half a dozen times, had a stranger pretty much get to second base with my scissor-hands, been used as some sort of scratching post by so many drunk, slutty nuns I’m thinking of converting, and was witness to about fifty or so very flamboyant men in some form of leather underwear or FrankNFurter-esque type get-up attempting to drunkenly do the Gangnam dance… WOW. JUST WOW.’

So, yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Amazing night, if a bit surreal, and the costumes were beyond belief! I was Edward scissorhands, and was pretty good even if I do say so myself. I did look like a bit of a hooker though. And by ‘a bit’ I mean I was wearing a black leather dress, thigh high boots and fishnets…

There’s actually loads I want to rant about, just people in general really, but I’ll save that for later.

Hmm, actually no, I want to complain about someone so I’m gonna.

URGH. I feel like I’m turning into a right bitch, but everyone’s just telling me I’m finally growing a back bone. And I’m not gonna lie, it is about time. I used to be the worst person in the world for letting people walk all over me. Honestly, anyone who really knew me in high school would agree, I was a complete push over. But now when I do stand up for myself a bit, especially with my friend Sarah, I feel great.

Admittedly, with Sarah it’s normally not serious, just joking about, but I think I’ve learnt from the constant abuse I get from her that I can stand up for myself. She’s just got a horrible personality and bullies the crap out of me every waking minute, but I’m now becoming just as bad, and through her insulting me and me insulting her back I am, in a strange way, getting a thicker skin and being able to not only take more crap without becoming far too upset (my biggest character flaw is that I’m too bloody emotional and whenever someone upsets me it’s like the world has ended) but can also just tell someone to fuck off. Which is a new quality, but also pretty useful at times.

Don’t get me wrong, Sarah’s my best friend, and probably my favourite person in the world. But she’s also an arsehole. And I’m sure she’s reading this and will agree with me. There are so many words I could use to describe her, and probably will. And she’d deserve every one of them. But I’ve learnt a lot from her horrible and uncontrollable meanness, and she’s taught me so much in the way of not thinking of myself as some horrible little cretin, mostly because she uses what’s really upsetting me to insult me and makes me face up to it. But at the same time, she never really goes too far either, always just enough to make me go ‘oh yeah, I think that about myself. If Sarah’s saying it, it’s obviously ridiculous and probably not true so I should stop that’. Yeah, so Sarah. Pain in the arse, best friend and general nuisance.

Yeah, so I’m not sure who I wanted to complain about, there’s so many people in my mind. That sounds bad, I’m not particularly thinking of friends or anything, actually the target of my rant would range from Kitty Butler (WHY KITTY? WHY?) to Joseph bloody Conrad. So yeah, I’m just in one of those moods.

Right, I’m gonna go before I offend everyone even more than I probably have. Bye!

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