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Doubt : On God

1 Mar


I’m not sure about anything anymore.

I feel like someone’s come along

And replaced the floor

With Jelly.

I feel like I’ve lost all stability

I feel like I’ve lost all the pieces of reality.

I don’t know anymore.

I just don’t know.

Perhaps I should have just let it go?

Perhaps it would be better to forget,

Better to pretend.

Put to an end

This doubt.


That’s changed


Perhaps it would be best

To put an end to this quest

To find truth? Any truth at all?

Perhaps it’s better to just let you fall.


Someone should exist purely to stop me ranting on this blog. It’s for the good of all man kind.

1 Mar

**A little warning that this post does talk about some sensitive issues, primarily abortion. If you’re not comfortable, then I’m afraid this isn’t for you. **

Also, I’m really sorry mum and dad! I know you’ll read this and, yes, I have talked about sex, masturbation and blow jobs…. Don’t hate me. 😦 (It’s in a philosophical context! I’m allowed!)

Okay, so I know I’ve been a bit crap with posting on here lately. I have no excuses really, just way too much on my plate. I’ve been completely over run with essays and, as per, my organisational skills have been absolutely crap. I have one more to go and I’m proud to say that, despite it not being due for over a week, I’m halfway through it. To be fair, if I had finished it the day it was set I still couldn’t have made up for how atrocious the first three were,as far as time management goes. I’m hoping I’ve done all right on them, but I’m going through the traditional ‘Oh my god, that was the worst essay I’ve ever written, I’m going to fail Uni and become a poetry reciting busker’ routine. (I can’t play any instrument very well, by the way, which may help to explain the poetry. Also, I like poems…)

Anyway, Philosophy was a nightmare. But then it always is. I’m pretty sure everyone’s predicted the upcoming rants on this semesters main Philosopher already, but I’ll save you from that for a little bit longer. Anyone fancy having a guess who it is? I’ll give you a clue, he’s an absolute pain in the arse (but to be fair, that would describe every philosopher that ever walked the planet. Ever.) and he wrote a book about Socrates. (Who I actually adore for some reason. Perhaps his ability to troll the life out of every conversation?) Well, the essay was on abortion, which is quite a controversial topic and something I haven’t really given much thought to. I had kind of hoped that after studying it in so much detail I would be able to make my mind up about how I felt about it but I’m still not sure.

I can kind of reason with myself that either pro or anti abortion would be a good stance to take but then I think of all the arguments against that argument and I just can’t find a reasonable reply to them. I think that writing an essay on it has actually just made me more confused as to my own opinion, it’s given me a lot of arguments but hasn’t lead to an answer which I’m comfortable with.

How can you say that it’s right to kill, or ‘let die’ a child that has done no wrong to anyone? But then, can you really define a foetus as a child? At what point does it become a ‘life’? 12 weeks? 10? A lump of cells? The argument that a child has a life from the moment of conception really doesn’t sit right with me. That’s like saying that sperm has a ‘life’ and how would that work?

I mean, I know that for certain people of the Catholic religion they’re often against contraception for this reason, that it’s stopping a child from being born, that it’s essentially killing it. (I know that there are many other reasons why some Catholics, and people of other religions are against contraception, I’m not trying to make that argument sound unreasonable by pointing out only that fact. To be quite honest, the argument itself does more to sound unreasonable than I ever could.)

Another interesting, if a little crude, point that I’ve came across is that if you can reasonably say that sperm is a life, could you say that giving someone a blow job was cannibalism? I mean, I know no reasonably minded person would think that, but where exactly do you draw the line? If you can’t use contraception because it prevents sperm from reaching, or at least having the potential to reach an egg, does that mean that masturbation would mean the same thing? Essentially, you’re ‘wasting’ life the same way you would do if you used contraception.

So no, I don’t agree with the idea that a child has a life from contraception, because I don’t see how turning from a sperm/egg into a blastocyst simply by multiplying out your cells can make the difference between having a life, and therefore a right to life, and not. (Yes, I DID learn, and remember, something in Human Biology!) So, because I don’t know how to define having a life and not, I can’t say it’s ok to have an abortion at an early stage but not after a certain time. It’s not okay at any point if I take that route, because the foetus could ‘develop’ a life at any point.

But then, I’m not comfortable with this either. I don’t like the idea that if a woman has been raped she should be forced to keep the child of her rapist when she is not at fault and not responsible for the baby. Or if the mother’s life is at risk. Or for another reasonable and just explanation. And I am fully in support of the fact that a woman should have the rights to her own body.

But then, shouldn’t the baby have the right to life? And wouldn’t that be more important? And, actually, something that’s not talked about as much as I thought it would be: Don’t the fathers have some sort of right? I mean, say that a woman and man are trying for a baby, conceive, but then she decides she doesn’t want it? Or worse, decides to abort the baby deliberately to hurt the father, something I know has happened on too many occasions? Does the father have no rights to his child? I mean, a father has equal rights when the child’s born, does the fact the mother’s carrying it make them any less relevant?

Oh dear. I’ve just stopped typing to remember what I was doing…. It was definitely not this.

So, I’ve went WAAAAY off track here. Erm, was not meant to go on an abortion rant. Right, well, so Philosophy essay was clearly destined to be rubbish. If I don’t have a clear opinion I can’t argue for or against it. English, I’d like to hope, went slightly better. It was about gender roles in Hamlet and Orlando and, although I was incredibly panicked at first, I managed to settle into it, and almost understand half of what I wrote. By about 4 o’clock the morning it was due in.

My last essay is for theology and I was going to go for either ‘Describe the Caste system in Hinduism.’ or ‘How can Hinduism be understood as the world’s oldest religion?’ but I decided that after not doing so well on my essay as I’d have liked last semester, I thought I’d do something different and go with the outrageously vague question, giving me a bit of scope to put my own spin on it. So, I’m writing now about ‘what it means to be Hindu’.

I’m quite enjoying it actually. I can either go two ways with it. One would be to describe as many of the key concepts as possible without going into too much depth, say a paragraph each, and the other would be taking three or four of the key, key concepts and be really detailed. I’m not sure what would be best. I could do both of them easily enough now that I’ve taken so much notes. (23 pages for a bloody essay!!!! I’m losing my mind) I’m not sure though, that with it being such a vague question I could really link just 3 or 4 and manage to answer it fully enough. But then, I also don’t know if I can put enough detail into the other option to be able to get a better grade. I could try and find a middle ground, but I have no idea where that would be.

Yeah, I get that you probably zoned out after reading that crap about an essay you’re not having to write/read so I’ll quit that rant too. Hmm, what else? I guess it’s been a hard few weeks. A lot has happened to make things unreasonably difficult. I had a pretty bad fall down two flights of stairs. Actually, that’s a lie. I had a pretty bad fall down one set of stairs. Then I tried to stand up, lost my footing and flew down the other one. I’ve ended up black and blue, again. My hip’s still gross and swollen. (’cause obviously you all wanted to know that). And it means I’ve been hobbling all over the place, which has not been fun. I’ve become addicted to facebook games, which is really not healthy. I just can’t stop! Oh yeah, I’m still unreasonably obsessed with vegetables!! I don’t think any of my ‘I will be healthy and eat good things and lose weight and exercise and stop eating beetroot’ have lasted this long!! Hopefully it’s a good sign! Yeah, I’ve also been reading HP fanfiction again. I feel like I’m betraying everything good about literature by doing this. In fact, I feel like I’m betraying myself, cutting out my soul a word at a time. But I’m allowed. It’s been an awful few weeks for numerous reasons and if I’ve succumbed to my weakness of slashy goodness then I’M ALLOWED. DON’T JUDGE ME. (**Edit** I’ve been told this is ‘gibberish’ so for those of you who are obviously not cool enough to know, hp fanfiction is Harry Potter stories written by fans about what happens after Deathly Hallows or a different spin on canon (Rowling’s plot). And slash is between same sex pairings. Some of them are actually quite good. Ok, they’re all right. Well, I mean, they can be good if you like that sort of thing. Look, I like them, STOP LOOKING AT ME WITH YOUR JUDGEMENTAL EYES.)

I actually stopped writing this post earlier to go to a debate at the QMU, which was really good! But now I have no idea or motivation to rant to you all any more! Well, I guess you had a lucky escape! I will post again soon. Yes, I will. I will. I’ll try. Ok, bye! Image

P.S. a friend sent me this photo. It is an incredibly accurate portrayal of my life.

“Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.” O. Wilde

16 Nov

I’m afraid I can’t even start this post apologising for being late as I usually do, as I’ve no idea when I last wrote, and even if I did, I’m not too sure what day it is, so my general self-loathing at my lack of organisational skills will need to suffice you today.

Anyway, (I reread my last post this morning and realised I say ‘anyway’ and ‘so’ way too much, so I’ll try and cut it down(as you will see, I have NOT done this…)) I’ve had a hectic week (?and a bit?) Firstly, yay!! my essays are finished!!! I’m so glad to be rid of them!

They were a complete disaster from start to finish. I spent the majority of the last two/three weeks on the edge of a mental breakdown, trying to simultaneously read secondary sources, write a ‘comprehensive’ analysis and convince myself that Descartes is right and that I’d wake up in the morning and realise it was all just a bad dream.

I think, though, that by doing such a horrendous job on these essays, I’ve learned a lot about what not to do next time, which might help. Firstly, do not put it off, at all, start it immediately. Secondly, don’t plan a time schedule, you’ll never stick to it. Thirdly, if you do give in to your tendency to ‘plan the life out of everything’, make sure you give at least four days of overlap incase you screw it all up again and have to spend way too much time on one essay, leaving yourself with the daunting prospect of having only two days to do another one. Fourthly, read lots of secondary sources; they know what they’re saying, you do not. Fifthly, doubly, triple, quadruple check the deadlines: they are out to deceive you!! Sixthly, and most importantly, if you’re writing an essay on a novel, or perhaps an annoying French guy with a big nose’s meditations, read the bloody book. Under No Circumstances attempt to write an essay when you have not read the book or half of the novel. Especially if said novel doesn’t have a decent wiki page!

Anyway, it doesn’t matter now, they’re gone and I’m going to pretend they didn’t happen. Until I get the results and spend days crying myself to sleep…

So, how did I celebrate not being burdened with essays I hear you ask? I slept. ALL WEEKEND! In fact, I only left, my room to get food and use the toilet. And do you know what, even seeing all the status of amazing nights out exam free etc, I don’t regret a thing!

My classes have all been good this last week (ish?) but I’ve been too stressed out and/or exhausted to appreciate them. We’ve been studying poems in English Lit and I’ve surprised not only myself but anyone who has had the misfortune of ever having discussed it with me, by finding a new love for all things poetry.

I’ve always found it very difficult to understand poetry. I haven’t really studied it in detail that much so I don’t really know the different structures, metres etc. Also, I’ve always found poetry really hard to follow. I can’t really ‘get into’ a poem unless it’s something I’m studying and I’ve been told what it means and what it says etc (at least, my teacher’s representation of it). The only poems, actually, that I’ve ever really manage to read, understand and enjoy is Wilde’s The Ballad of Reading Gaol and Edgar Allan Poe’s Annabel Lee. The first of these is a bit surprising really, for two reasons, firstly, it’s bloody long, much longer than any other poem I had read, and secondly because, at that point I absolutely hated Wilde. It feels like I’m sinning or something to say that now, but at the time my only experience of Wilde was An Ideal Husband which, in comparison to his other works, is quite boring. Now, Wilde is one of my favourite play-writes and A Picture of Dorian Gray is one of my favourite novels.

Now, though I seem to be understanding poetry a lot better. I can easily sit down an read through a poem and not only understand what it means, but be able to appreciate some of the finer details I would never have picked up on before. I still have difficulty with the metre, though, because for some reason I just can’t seem to hear the stresses of the syllables! It’s almost in monotone when I hear poetry, I can’t hear the difference. I’ll keep working on it though, and my flatmates will just need to put up with me repeating the same line over and over out loud with several different inflections at two o’clock in the morning.

So, we’ve moved onto Christianity in Theology now, which is something I’ve really been looking forward to. Despite being raised Christian and being brought up with my morality stemming from that, I’ve actually been very shocked to realise how little I know about what I had claimed to be my religion for so long. I don’t know if I could say it’s quite lived up to my expectations but then, I wasn’t too sure I knew what I wanted it to be.

The lecturer is really good, although out of all three lecturers we’ve had so far, one teaching Islam and one Judaism, she seems to have her work cut out for her most. For the other two, they were lecturing to a class of people very few of whom were actually followers of the faiths they were teaching. However a large proportion of the class is Christian and I can almost feel the tension amongst them at times, as if they’re always waiting for a blow against their religion, or they feel that they must be paying careful attention in order to be able to correct/defend their principles. I can understand this, especially as a large amount of the class live locally and sectarianism is still at play even amongst this generation.

The lecturer, however, is really good at describing and explaining Christianity, while still being respectful but also scrutinising and stating disagreements without causing offence. It’s mostly when someone else in the class speaks up and says something which could be deemed offensive, even though it has never been meant as such, that anyone really begins to stiffen and take sharper notice.

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled for too long now, so I’ll sign off now. There’s still quite a lot I wanted to whinge about, but I’ll save it for next week! (Sooner actually!I feel guilty about how rubbish this post is, so I’m going to start a new one and get it up by the end of the week!) Bye!

Getting drunk, eating ice-cream and making children cry…

1 Nov

What a week! (Slightly over a week, I know, I’m sorry. Blame Philosophy. Or better yet, blame Descartes, the horrible, horrible man…) For once, though, I’ve actually done something to write about! **Happy Dance** Nothing you’re going to find particularly interesting, but at least I don’t have to think up something to spend this post complaining about! (If I did have to chose something, it won’t come as a surprise to anyone who I’m friends with on Facebook, it would be Descartes, the insufferable sod.)

So, on Saturday (22nd) I went to my friends 18th, which was brilliant, being able to catch up with her and some other friends. It was great to see everyone’s been doing well, even if it was a bit sad at the end of the night, knowing it could be ages before we could all meet up again. I think my friends had a good night too, although she sadly broke the tradition of getting absolutely steaming on your 18th. Don’t worry though, me and a couple of other friends more than mad up for her. This night was a milestone for me too, as it was the first time I’d ever stumbled in the door at one o’clock in the morning absolutely burling. And my parents didn’t even kill me!

My little sister told me the next morning that she thought I was nicer drunk, and that I was much more fun. I’m not sure how to take this… She was particularly amused by the fact that I was too afraid to leave the living room, believing the door was going to beat me up, after my dad told me not to let it hit me on the way out. Yes, safe to say I did not enjoy waking up the next morning.

On the Tuesday after this was my own 18th. My parents took me out to Shanghai Shanghai for a lovely meal, and I ended up walking around Carlisle with an 18 badge and helium balloon (give credit to my sister for this monstrosity) and trying not to throw up the outrageous amount of ice-cream I ate.

It was Friday before I made it back up to Glasgow. And it was an absolute nightmare having to drag my suitcase filled with over twenty books and six plus bottles all the way up to Murano from Hillhead! Definitely learned my lesson there! From now on, just bring the alcohol, leave the books at home…

Anyway, Friday night I went out with some friends up here to another Chinese buffet, which was also delicious, and I ate far too much, although not as much as one of my friends, who astounded us all by eating more food than could possibly fit inside a human stomach. I was genuinely worried for his health after that meal. We ended up stealing the helium balloon that they’d put above the table (which is still lying on the kitchen floor now) and then going to a cocktail bar in Ashton Lane called Nude. It was very dark, and very loud, but had such a gorgeous atmosphere that I’m already desperate to go back! And their Strawberry Daiquiri was amazing.

Saturday and Sunday were spent curled up in bed, eating beetroot and trying to do my philosophy essay (God, I hate Descartes…). It was due in today and I finally managed to reach the lower word limit at two o’clock this morning. Safe to say, I don’t think I’ve ever written a worse essay in my life, but at the moment I just don’t care. It’s finished, no more Descartes!! YAY!!

Oh, I went to a synagogue yesterday for theology which was absolutely fascinating. The building itself was beautiful, and the woman who talked to us there was absolutely lovely! She’s one of those little old ladies you can picture sitting at home knitting and drinking tea (I say while drinking hot chocolate and sewing a cushion….). A lot of the information she gave us was things which I had already known before, which is great because it means I’m actually remembering things from my lectures! But I was a little bit shocked at some of the things she told us. Like the fact that in her community of 4,000 Jews, only about 30 attend the synagogue regularly. This is quite a significant decline and it was quite eye open to see that, even in the Orthodox church, the decline in daily/weekly practice has taken its toll.

I’ve also decided (yesterday) to do NaNoWriMo this year. I was almost bullied into it last year by my friends and this year I thought I’d give it ago. Whatever possessed me to think this was a good idea? I have no plot, structure, characters or title and it starts today! Safe to say, I’m not going to finish this year! But hopefully it’ll at least get me writing a bit more. Even if I do end up writing some depressing story about child death or suicide.

Oh, actually, I had a comment on one of my depressing stories the other week and a couple of you asked about it. It was from a lovely woman who asked if she could show my story to her higher class, for inspiration or some such nonsense. We exchanged a few emails and she gave me some great feedback on a couple of stories I’ve been working on and also spent a fair amount of time talking me into doing NaNo too. (thanks for that Suz). Anyway, one of the emails was to tell me that she’d shown her class my story and half of them ended up crying (which amused me so much, for some reason) and saying some lovely things, which she wrote down and emailed to me. It was fantastic to get such good feedback and reviews of my story! I’m really glad as well when a couple of them used my story to guide their own depressing tale about death… Glad to know I inspire such joy in people! (The story was A Box Full of Kisses by the way, check the top of the page to read it if you want!)

Sorry guys, but I really have to go now, my English essay is demanding to be finished, or even started. Post to you soon,


Oh, I forgot to add, I now have Meebo (at the side) so if you want to get in touch with me message me on that and I’ll get back to you. Or you could add me on twitter/facebook, which would save me the hassle of figuring out how to use Meebo! 😀

A statue, not a meditating dwarf

21 Oct

I’m afraid to say that the threat I made last week about spending the entirety of this post whinging may end up being carried out. I’ve spent the entire morning, while walking about the city centre, trying to find positive things to write about. I’ve watched the interactions between parents and their children, I’ve eavesdropped on conversations, I’ve even spent the last hour in Central Station, watching to see if there would be a happy reunion or some such drivel. While I’m not saying that I haven’t witnessed some beautiful, and moving, moments today, I can say that each and every one of them has been proceeded with some dire, depressing occasion, seemingly to occur precisely in order to balance out the happiness of the moment before. The beautiful moment of happiness when the children spot their dad coming out of the office from work is cut short by their mother’s screeching over missing money. The mother finding her young, teenage daughter in the crowded platform, runs joyously up to her, only to be confronted by a bulging belly and a Mothercare bag.

So, my attempts at finding something happy to tell you about has completely backfired and has just depressed me more than I was when I started. You’re just going to have to put up with a rant today.

As I’m sure you can figure out, after my last ditch attempt at finding inspiration for my post, I’ve had a pretty crap week. I’m still loaded with the cold, overdosing on Lemsips and eating far too many Soothers. In fact, it’s been so bad that I’ve had to skip my lectures on Friday. Those of you who know me will know that I do not miss classes. Ever.

I didn’t used to mind skipping classes. I had a lot of health problems and regularly had to take time off from school. Now though, I would never take time off if I could possibly avoid it. I suppose it’s actually because of having been absent so much before that I never miss a class. I used to get told off by a couple of my teachers quite a lot, who were less understanding about my health problems, and used to get called a skiver by my classmates. It completely changed last year though, to the extent that, rather than moaning at me about not being at school, my teachers repeatedly ‘had words’ about me being at school!

The fact that I missed a whole day of lectures speaks volumes about how rotten this cold is. I’m still determined it is a cold. I do not get flu’s!!

Anyway, other than coughing up half my lungs I’ve not had a very interesting week. I’m still struggling with my essays but I’ve now got a whole week to spend trying to get them sorted out. I’ve decided to go home for reading week, it’s my best friends birthday party tomorrow, and my birthday on Tuesday so I’ve managed to convince my self it’s a good idea to drag more than 20 course books all the way down to Eastriggs. I’m absolutely dreading the return journey!

Oh, something interesting did happen! I almost forgot! Well, I found it interesting, anyway. On my way back from the centre shopping on Monday, (only 65 days until the ‘C’ word, oh dear God) I fell over getting off the Subway. That in itself isn’t interesting, just an every day occurrence, however, I had actually tripped over something on the floor which ended up completely weirding me out. (My amazing English skills…) It was a little Buddha on a keyring. (A statue obviously, not a meditating dwarf). This was so strange that day because, for the last year I’ve been seriously reconsidering my religion, and trying to decide if I did, in fact, have one.

I started to do this after Fifth year, having had a very bad time of things for quite a while, I began to really doubt my faith. Up until that point I would have classed myself as a Christian. (Protestant to be precise, and I have to be precise, my family’s from the West of Scotland, enough said.) I had never, up until that point, considered that I could believe anything else, or disbelieve what I thought I did. However, when I started to feel that perhaps things weren’t as clear cut as they seemed to be, I decided to look into religion more, and ended up taking RMPS at higher.

I learned a lot during this class, about my own religion as well as about Buddhism, which, right from the very beginning intrigued me. It was only when I decided to read the bible over the summer that I decided that I could not call myself a Christian as I didn’t really believe in God.

I had been talking to my mum, only the night before I found the keyring, about my increasing interest in Buddhism and had mentioned that I was considering going to the Buddhist temple. She suggested I wait and see how I feel about it when I was a bit more settled.

Now, I’m not really big on ‘signs’ or ‘fate’, it’s all mumbo-jumbo to me, however, my mum seems to think me finding the Buddha keyring was a sign, not mere coincidence, and I’m a little inclined to agree with her. It’s just a bit spooky!

Sorry, I’ve went off track, into the rocky grounds of religion. Well, I don’t think I have too much else to tell you about. I had a very flattering request by an English teacher in Falkirk, who asked if she could show one of my stories to her higher class. She’s also offered to let me bounce some ideas for creative writing off her, and has actually given me a few good ones already, so hopefully they’ll be up here soon. (I know I kind of already promised this last week but I just can’t seem to get over this writers’ block!)

Anyway, I’m going to go finish reading Another Country for English Lit, given it was meant to be read for three weeks ago I figured I’d best get a move on with it! Bye!

*** Oh MY God! I’m tacking this little paragraph on at the last minute because another really weird thing has happened! On my way back from getting my book out of my suitcase, I sat down and jumped right back up, screeching in pain after sitting on a Buddha!!! (Again, a statue…)A little silver statue was sitting in my seat!!!!! I asked everyone around me if it was their’s, or if they’d seen who put it there, but it didn’t belong to them, and nobody had passed!! How weird!! Maybe I should go to the temple soon after all… ***

I promise I’ll work on the titles for next week…. :D

16 Oct

First off, an apology is due for breaking my promise of posting every week. I have no reasonable excuse this time, so sorry.

Anyway, I’m writing this post on the train on the way back to Glasgow after spending the weekend back home. I’m absolutely shattered, having been up for most of the night with what I’m completely denying is the flu. I’ve never had the flu before and I don’t intend to have it now. It’s just a really bad cold…

Even being blocked up doesn’t stop me gagging at the stench of nail varnish now filling the compartment, as the girl sitting opposite, currently listening to One Directions new song so loudly on her I-phone I can quite easily sing along to every word, decided it would be a grand idea to paint her nails in a stuffy, overcrowded train which the majority of people are stuck on for another hour before it reaches central station in Glasgow. What a sweetheart.

I suppose I can’t really complain, I’m pretty sure I’m suffocating half of the train with the reek of ammonia from my hair. I spent most of the morning sitting in the kitchen with my mum furiously ‘massaging’ in the Chocolate Brown dye in a last ditch attempt to rid myself of my half yellow, half red hairdo. My hair now ranges from light brown to jet black, but doesn’t look too bad! Especially not in comparison to the horrendous ‘blonde’ I ended up with. My scalp is still bright red, not from hair dye this time, but from my mum’s vicious attacks!

Other than my disaster with the hair dye, it’s been a good week. My classes are going well, if a little bit boring at times. I’ve been able to spend some time reading as well, which has been good. Oh, I finally found time to go to the library! Oh my god!!!! It’s huge! I absolutely love it, even though it’s quite complicated to understand the ordering system, and despite the fact that it took me nearly twenty minutes to work out how to use the self-service book checkout , much to the amusement of some of the older students watching me.

I’m still procrastinating over my essays and finding practically any excuse not to do them. They’re just so intimidating, I have no idea where to start. It’s not too bad for English lit, there’s several questions to chose from and they’re all comparison questions, which I prefer. Theology has three questions for Islam, Judaism and Christianity, but seeing as we’ve only finished Islam it’s still a bit limiting, not to mention I don’t even understand half of the questions. For Philosophy there is only one question and it is very, very vague. I’m absolutely dreading answering it!

Oh, I almost forgot that I went to the first meeting of the Creative Writing Society on Tuesday night. It was really fun, being able to spend some time with friends and being forced to come up with something creative on the spot, although it was very intimidating and ended up being complete and utter rubbish, has helped me to get the better of my writers’ block! So there may be some creative writing up on the blog some time in the near future!

I don’t really have much more to tell you. So far, all I’ve seemed to do in my posts is rant about something or someone that’s pissed me off, and I’m trying not to do that again. Although, if I were to do that I would tell you how annoying I find it that the girl opposite me has now decided to spray half a can of deodorant, just to add to the toxic smell in this carriage. I wonder where she’s going that would require this much preparation? I mean, I’ve seen her apply four layers of foundation in the last half an hour, redo her lip gloss twice and add even more mascara to the black clumps that may at one point in time have been eyelashes.

Anyway, as I said, there’s not much more to say to be honest. Hopefully I’ll have done something more interesting for the nest post, if not I’ll just pick a random thing that’s irritated me and write a couple of pages on that! I really hope to have a short story up during the week, but I’m still working on it. Fingers crossed! I know it’ll just take one before I can get back into writing again. Here’s hoping.

I should really start using more interesting titles…

5 Oct

Firstly, apologies for not updating sooner. I promised myself that as soon as I had written my poetry analysis, which I started last Wednesday night, I would post a new entry. It’s taken me a week to stop procrastinating and get on with it, but I’m finally finished!

So yesterday when I started to think of what I would say in this post I had absolutely no ideas at all. I thought that when I got back home from Uni I’d spend a couple of hours just attempting to make the last fortnight sound mildly interesting. That didn’t happen, however, and I instead had to spend the entire night on Facebook trying to get a hate page that was posted about me deleted.

This page, as those of you who have seen it will know, was posted by an inarticulate, unintelligent bully and his attempts to hurt me by posting this backfired on him last night when my friends, both those that I have known since Secondary school and who have gone through the school with me and the boy who wrote this page, and my new friends up here in Glasgow, responded to his insulting comments and reported the page. I’m glad to say, he’s now been suspended from facebook, so hopefully I’ll not have any more bother from him.

Even though it was only on Facebook for a few hours, it seems that everyone has heard that it was posted. I’ve had many supportive comments from my friends, which have helped me to realise that no one believes what was written and that most people can see that it was just a pathetic little boy trying to get attention.

Sorry, rant over. Anyway, other than that, my week’s been pretty boring. I’m sure that you’re delighted to hear you’re wasting valuable time reading about my boring week, when you could be out living your’s!

I’ve had so much work on that I’ve not had a lot of time to do anything interesting to tell you about! Unless you’d like to hear about my poetry analysis? Or the thrilling Critical Thinking book I’m reading for Philosophy? No, I didn’t think so.

What I am finding as a big shock is how quickly time is flying by. My first few weeks here felt like they were never going to end. And now it’s the 5th of October already! (only 20 days until my 18th Yay!) I guess the reason that time has just disappeared this week is the amount of work we’re all getting.

This varies for each of my classes; Philosophy has spent the last three weeks discussing Descartes’ Meditations and we’re still only on the third one, English Literature has basically left us to read and analyse an entire novel in this time, and Theology expects us to learn the ins and outs of the entire Islamic religion, in just three weeks! This last class, Theology, is the one I’m struggling with most at the moment I think. I know I should be struggling more with English, given I haven’t even read half of the novel yet, but I can at least grasp what’s being said in English Lit, Theology is a different matter entirely.

I absolutely loved RMPS last year, which is what prompted me to take it this year, but there is such a difference between the two that it’s like doing an entirely different subject! Last year we spent months going over the different aspects of Buddhism, and spending time discussing and debating a lot of the issues that arise in it. Now, we’re just hit with an avalanche of information and expected to find some sort of reason within it.

Despite finding it difficult, the challenge of basically learning about a religion without much guidance is absolutely brilliant!! I love the independence of being able to research and find my own way around all of the issues of the Islamic religion. I think I would find it a lot easier if I had someone to bounce ideas off of, or to ask for opinions etc, like I used to in secondary school, but I’ve not managed to speak to many people in my lectures or tutorials, so I don’t have this aspect yet.

I found last year that talking things over with my classmates, or pestering my lovely teacher, helped me far more than reading notes and things, so hopefully once I’ve found someone to discuss these things with, then I’ll get a better grasp of what I’m trying to learn. Even with the difficulty, or perhaps because of it, I’m finding theology absolutely enthralling!

Something which I can’t quite say about Philosophy. I’m finding lectures on Descartes and ‘Critical thinking’ to be the bane of my existence at the moment. I knew I would find this though; Philosophy doesn’t have an answer, and anything which doesn’t have an answer frustrates me far too much. I’m honestly not sure what I was thinking selecting this subject, when I knew I was going to get so easily worked up by it!! Actually, it was exactly this reason I chose it! And the fact that I can have debates about philosophical things, such as ‘Is the sky blue?’ of which I’ve already convinced 3 people that the answer is no.

And English Literature is just as interesting as I thought it would be! The poetry analysis I attempted completely knocked my confidence, however. I’ve never really had any trouble analysing, or writing essays, but I have to admit that I found this to be so intimidating, and it scared the hell out of me. The analysis isn’t graded, but even so, I’m sure that I’ve done very poorly, my arguments weren’t well structured and my grammar was also pretty bad. I suppose there’s nothing to do about it now! Just have to wait and see what my tutor says.

Anyway, I’ve prattled on for long enough now. I just want to say thanks to everyone who supported me with this ‘hate page’ malarkey because it wouldn’t have been sorted nearly as quickly without you.

Oh, also, thank you to my two lovely ex-english teachers who put up with my moaning and last minute panicking over my analysis! I’m sure you must be sick of this by now! And not even being a hundred miles away from me, and not even my teachers any more, means you can escape my last minute hysteria when it comes to essays and exams!!