Tag Archives: poem

**poem with explicit themes and depressing as dead kittens on a barbecue**

15 Dec

To the man who broke me

To the man who broke me

That night alone on the bridge

When you stole my innocence away

To the man who held me

Down, pinned to the cold, wet ground

And stole a part of me, the heart of me away

To the man who heard me

Beg for mercy he wouldn’t give

And lie numb to the pain of my soul being leeched away

I hope one day you feel

The clenching in your stomach

The cold shivers, the sheer terror

The flashbacks that keep you up at night

I hope one day you’ll look

Out of your window and dread

Having to face the world

I hope one day I’ll meet you

And see in your eyes all of the pain

That you’ve put me through

Multiplied until all there is left

Of your already ruined humanity

Is horror

I hope one day you’ll feel regret

And beg for forgiveness

And I hope you see me

My crippled soul

And know you’ll never have it

You’ll never have my forgiveness

Like a dying man thirsting for redemption

Redemption you won’t receive

I hope you rot and burn

In your own personal hell

And feel all the pain you’ve caused

And I hope you suffer.

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Enough

20 Mar

Enough

 

In the library and they’re holding hands

Nobody can see but they are

And that’s enough.

 

A smile shared between friends

But under the surface, simmering,

There’s something more.

 

Something hidden behind those glances

Something you can’t see, or won’t see,

Locked in their eyes.

 

Everything so simple when it’s hidden.

It’s enough that it is there. Enough.

No wanting more.

My Nothing

7 Mar

 

I can think of absolutely nothing to write

The page is empty

White.

Not a damn thing comes to mind

Not a word

Not a rhyme

Not a single utterance of which

Any useful lines could find

Somewhere, something to start from.

Weary… Annoyed… Tired…

Still no thoughts come

Not a word

Not a sound

Impatient click of fingers on desk

Taunting tick of the clock

Forever teasing

Forever laughing at

What?

My Nothing.

My page after page of Nothing.

In the guise of you

8 Feb

In the guise of you  

 

I’m scared of what I can do

When, in the guise of you,

I speak your words, drag them through

My soul, a mirror image

Of you, of your cold hard rage

That never existed save

In my own fearful, bitter

Imagination, which stirs

Like the near dying embers

Of burning branches cut from

The tree of life, of love, some

Hateful thoughts of you, of your

Smile – a grimace, a sour

Dead, empty glance. Please, no more.

 

 

 

*normally I wouldn’t post this, I’m not happy with it (am I ever happy with my poems? /sigh/) but I’m just so happy to have something down on paper!!!!!! 😀

 

I Wonder

25 Jan

I wonder

I wonder if we’ll ever have the chance

To ride a rainbow, as we used to say

We’d do. I wonder if we’ll ever climb,

To the top of the world in just a day,

Or build a rocket ship and sail off to

The moon. I wonder, will we ever see

a unicorn, a fairy or an imp?

Or will we ever get the chance to be

A ballerina and an astronaut?

A Princess and a prince? Will we ever

get to swing higher than the sky? Will we

ever make a song and dance together,

And prance through a garden of leprechauns?

Skip through a shimmering ring of fairies?

Play in a pot of Gold, clasping tightly

Each other’s hands? Climb up the trees,

Fly through the air, be monkeys for a while?

Whisper our secrets of such importance?

I wonder, will we ever finish our

Dig to china through the sand? Or balance

All our hopes on a tower of cards and

Watch with delight as it all tumbles down?

I wonder, will we ever read stories

About magic frogs and forgetful clowns?

Will we ever catch ourselves a pocket

Full of posies, a tiger by the toe?

Or will we one day find ourselves alone

And wondering ‘just where did it all go?’ 


							

To cut out my heart

8 Jan

To cut out my heart

I had this odd desire

To cut out my heart

Grind it to a powder

And sprinkle it in your tea.

I wanted you to taste

This wealth of love

I’ve got growing in me

Like a butterfly in a coccoon

Or a cancer in a festering sore.

This desire grew more

And more until I

Just couldn’t stop it. I

Had to do it, make you see.

I grabbed the sharpest knife

That was to hand,

And carved, Deeper and Deeper.

At first a shallow hole, but soon

It grew. More and More and More.

I wanted to take it

Out and crush it, then

Sprinkle each little drop,

Dissolve it, you wouldn’t see.

But you would taste it,

On your tongue as

You sipped it into you,

All my love, devotion, worship.

And so I pulled, I ripped and I tore

And I dug in my fingers

Racked my nails through skin

And muscles, and as I felt

That first beating rhythm in me

I clenched hard and pulled

And in my hand

I held my heart and wondered

At its weight, its size, its nothingness.

My heart, a blood filled muscle, nothing more

Than an empty sack. How

Could this hold such depth

Of feelings, captured so?

One cut, I set them free.

Stay with me through the night. *edited.

8 Jan

Stay with me through the night.

I’ve never felt more comfortable than

I do, wrapped soundly in your arms. Held tight

Against the suffocating darkness. Can

You stay here and hold me through the long night?

Will you stay here and fight the ghosts and ghouls

And memories that haunt me? Stay here with me

My darling, comforting me as sleep pulls

Me to its depth and takes me through a sea

Of dreams. Will you wait through my dreams, my dear?

Will you comfort me, love me, rescue me?

Will you be there to fight away the fear?

Will you stay with me, through the long, dark night?

Say you will, my sweet, hold me as I sleep

Or I shall be alone, and I shall weep.


**Guys, I’m really sorry to keep bombarding you all with poems! They just keeping falling out of my brain!

I miss you.

6 Jan

I miss you.

I miss you. Three simple words I use,

Meant to capture what is in my heart.

How inadequate they seem to me,

In the face of this misery tearing me apart.

Yet, how else can I describe to you

This gaping hole pulsing in my chest,

Crushing my lungs, suffocating me,

Every time I think of you? A smothering weight pressed

On my heart from inside out. Empty,

Growing, strong enough to paralyse

The beat in my chest. How can I tell

You of the catch in my breath, each time I glimpse your eyes

In the face of a stranger? How can

I explain the quiver of my lip

As I steal traces of your smell in

Anonymous crowds? Or the painful hopes that grip

Me when I see your smile shine out from

A sea of cold faces? When I hear

Your laugh ring through the empty silence

Of my room, or the roaring noise, abusing my ears

Of faceless nobodies? How do I,

With these useless, empty words, describe

The longing, the disappointment and

Pain that I can’t even begin to contemplate, let alone scribe

In my simple pen? How do I tell

How my own imagination has

Turned against me, feeding the black hole

Crushing my heart with thoughts of you, of your face,

Your eyes, your lips, your smile, everything?

How even my own subconscious mind

Is torturing me with images

Like my deepest desires are on a loop behind

My eyes, a constant motion each time

I lay my head upon my pillow,

An assault on my senses, and as

I awake and reach for you, my hand closing through

Nothing, I feel the pressure in my

Chest get stronger, as the thought of you

Builds with no release, save desperate tears

And a lonely whisper in the darkness. I miss you.

As you pass by.

5 Jan

As you pass by.

 

I used to sit and wait for you

To pass before the glass doors and

Turn your head slightly, glancing in

Noticing at the last second.

A small smile would adorn your face

Your eyes would catch mine and hold them

Captivated. You’d turn and take

A step forward, leaving, but then

You seemed to think again and once

More, you caught my eyes. You raised your

Hand and gave a small wave, waiting

For me to return it. Of course

I’d quickly copy your action,

Raise my hand, and wave, wishing for

You to decide not to leave and

Come in here, to open the door,

Walk across to my table, sit,

Smile and chatter away, as you

Are so often wont to do. And

I knew you wouldn’t. I knew

You would turn your head away with

A small frown as you hurried off

To your room, forgetting me. Not

Sparing me a second thought.

Would it be different, if you knew,

That I had sat there for hours,

Patiently waiting for you to

Pass me by? That moment, our

fleeting glance, your smile, bringing me

More joy than anything else could.

Would it make you give me one more

Second? I like to think it would.

Of staring at you, trying to speak, and impress.

5 Jan

I don’t think this makes sense? It was slightly based on me being tongue tied trying to talk to someone, a teacher, who I had a (tiny) crush on a few years ago. If it doesn’t can someone tell me. Normally I have someone to check it, but nobody’s available for a while.

Of staring at you, trying to speak, and impress.

It started with a flutter in my chest,

A clenching in my stomach, a dryness,

Turning my tongue into a useless lump,

Dry in my mouth. I try nevertheless,

To speak to you, to impress you with my

Poor attempts at humour, all my bad jokes

Seeming to find a voice at once. I try to

Fight past the nervousness that you evoke

In me, to make some kind of mark. To say

Something, anything, that will make you see

Me, make you look at me, and remember Me.

Remember I exist. Remember me.

But I see you look at me, not caring,

Of that lonely girl sitting, staring.