Tag Archives: sleep

Nightmares

14 Mar

 I’m finding it very difficult lately to get things written down on paper. I don’t know why that is. I have the motivation to do it. I want to do it. I finally have the time to do it. And yet the minute I take the pen into my hand everything just goes blank. It’s not even that I’m lacking in ideas. My heads full of them! Lots of little seeds floating through my mind; a character, an opening line, a plot line for a simple poem to thousand page novel. But every time O try to put them into words my mind goes blank.

I think this is the reason for the nightmares. I’ve never had nightmares before, not like this. Sure, occasionally I’ve battled the odd three headed monster or fought in the zombie apocalypse, but I’ve never been so lost within a dream that I can’t tell it’s not reality. I’ve never woken up and been terrified of even the sound of my own breathing. I’ve never questioned myself as to whether the here and now, me writing this post, is really reality and not just a happy fantasy. A dream my subconscious has came up with as an escape from my nightmare reality. I’ve never had a dream feel so real.

And I really feel this inability to express all these pent up, and thoroughly rubbish, ideas in my head is causing this. In my nightmares I’m trapped in this mist. It’s so thick I can’t even see my own hands in front of me. I’m running as far and as fast as I can to get to the edge of this mist but each step closer I get to the edge brings something closer to me. I don’t know what, or who, it is. I can’t see or hear it. But I know that in my dream it makes my heart race, my hands tremble. It makes every hair on my body stand on end. It brings me to tears. As it gets closer I feel the mist getting heavier and thicker. I keep running against it but each step I take brings it down on me. When I’m so close to the edge of the mist that my entire body is braced in anticipation for the freedom, the release from the weight, the pressure, I realise I cannot move. The mist is so thick around me, it’s like I’m being smothered in foam and just as I’m about to reach the edge it hardens around my ankles. I keep screaming but it just makes it travel harder and faster, past my knees, my hips my chest. I can’t breathe. It’s on my neck, I feel pain in my face from the lack of blood and oxygen. I try again to scream but it’s in my mouth, my throat. I can’t see anything hear anything. I can’t make a sound but I can feel that thing standing right behind me.

And then I wake up. I’m drenched in cold sweat, shaking in fear, clawing at my throat and sobbing hard. I never react like that to dreams. I never scream. I think I might be going mad sometimes. Those moments when I first wake up, I’m not me. I’m not my self, my rational self.

I hope I can figure out how to get all these thoughts out before I drive myself insane. 

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You know you’re a student when…

21 Dec

So, while trying to write a poem about student life, I thought I’d make a list of things that make you feel like a student…

You know you’re a student when…

  • your hair straighteners are used not to straighten your hair, but to iron your clothes.
  • you can no longer afford toilet paper and stealing from the Unions has become perfectly acceptable.
  • you have an endless to-do list but Scrubs, drinking and sleeping take precedence.
  • the dirty washing on your floor passes the ‘sniff test’ even after Three Days.
  • your fire alarm goes off and your hangover tells you, burning to death is preferable to leaving bed.
  • mince, tomato sauce and rice are the constituents of your fanciest dinner of the month.
  • you sneak handfulls of sauce sachets out of the restaurant in your bra.
  • there’s no clean spoons so it’s acceptable to stir your tea with a pen.
  • after using your chopping board the underside is dirtier than the top.
  • being sober for more than four days feels physically painful.
  • cheese is expensive but cheap Vodka is not.
  • the Primark Onsies alleviate any need for central heating.
  • loan day is more exciting than Christmas.
  • you use a vodka bottle as a rolling pin and a shot glass as an egg cup.
  • you have frozen veg in the freezer that’s never actually eaten just used for injuries.
  • you see the sell by dates as a challenge rather than a warning.
  • you stick your slippers back together with duck-tape.
  • it’s too much effort to microwave beans and make toast, so you start eating beans on bread.
  • you hoover the table before you wipe it
  • anything before noon is considered early
  • 6am is when you go to sleep, not when you wake up.
  • you realise anything can be cooked in the microwave.   **(except chicken!!!!)